Transcript: The Decision Part 5

Hello, again, Steve Elzinga. Here we are doing this coaching class, I hope it's going well for you. We're  still on decision. Part Six, I know we're spending a lot of time on the decision, the decision is helping a  client decide what area of life that they want to do something, it might be an area where they're  struggling, it might be an area where they're feeling pressure, it might be an area where they have prior  commitments, it might be an area that they've neglected for many years, and they feel like now is when  they should do it, it might be an area of their life where they have a dream, and they've never pursued  this dream. So we're going through all these different models and trying to help a person, figure out  what area of life that they should do something about. And that's really the hardest part. So that's why I  want to give you a lot of different models, ways to help your clients think about their life, to think about  the areas of their life that they maybe want to do something about. So, but then eventually, when we you  know, you help someone think about maybe they're thinking about their marriage, maybe they're  thinking about something at work, maybe they're thinking about their health, you've helped them think  about a lot of different areas of their life. And then, you know, what do you want to do? What, what  action orientated step can you come up with that will help you do that. But eventually, you have to help  them sort of prioritize, or to go through all the options that they thought about, maybe they've talked  about their health, their marriage, something at work, some recreational thing that they want to do. But  now how are they going to pick one of them, you can't work on five things at one time. So you want to  help them sort of out of that whole mess? Out of all those ideas? You know, what are we going to do? So  that's what we're going to look at in this session. So remember, there's three things that coaches need to  help a client do. One is to help the client figure out what they want to do. That's the decision thing that  I'm talking about. The other is to help the client figure out how to do what they want to do plan. We'll be  getting into that soon. And then finally, help the client do what they plan to do. And that's management.  But we're at this point, we're at the decision, help the client figure out what they want to do. And there's  three basic models that we've been looking at, we've been doing the brainstorm thing for a number of  sessions, in helping the client figure out where in their life they want to do something. And then this is  what we want to look at, in this session, how to prioritize the all the material that we came up with in  the brainstorm time. And then finally, we're going to move on to well, how do you make a commitment  towards that. So we're going to be looking in this session at number two here, how to how to prioritize  the things that we brainstorm, in terms of a decision as to what to change, or what to pursue what goals  the client has to pursue. So the second category prioritize action item models. So we're going to look at  different ways of helping a client prioritize. So they've got a lot of these options in front of them, you  know, marriage, or work or health or whatever it might be. So now, how are we going to help them? I  could just simply ask them, Well, what do you want to do? You know, it'd be the simplest way. But  there's other ways of sort of organizing these items. One way, and you can offer that to the client, you  know one way to sort of prioritize the things that you brought up, as we try to brainstorm areas that you  want to change in your life is easiest versus hardest. So maybe they have a goal with their marriage.  Maybe they have a goal with their business or with a partner. Or maybe it's a ministry thing that's  happening at church. Or maybe it's some commitment that the person already made already, they have  four or five options to pick from. This is one way to think about it. So I might ask, ask the client, well,  here's one model, or one way of trying to prioritize all those different items that you have is easiest  versus hardest. And there's no right answer. You let the client figure out. So if you want to use this  model, let's look at the five things that you brainstorm the different things that you can do. And then you  look at just rank them into hardest and easiest well I think that work, one would be easiest, I think the  marriage would be harder. So I think no, and just rank them. And then you could ask them, Well, what  was Which way do you want to go? Sometimes you want to start with something, that's the easiest,  because your chances of succeeding are greater. And a lot of times, when you're at least beginning in the  coaching process, you want an early win you want to help your client actually succeed at something.  Because every time they succeed, they try something in the process, and they succeed at it, they're more 

willing to keep working in this way. And they see that the coaching process works. And so they're more  eager to keep doing it. If they pick the hardest, then they might struggle and they might fail, and then  they go after this coaching thing doesn't work. But again, you leave it up to them, you don't push them  one way or the other. You help them think about it, you know, you help them think about well, the  easiest, more likely to succeed. But sometimes it's good to start with something that's hard, otherwise,  you don't get motivated. I know when I prioritize my day, and I write down, you know, there's 10 things  that I want to do today, and I just write them down. And then I put like, you know, A priority and B and C  priority is how I do in my time management. Sometimes I will put the hardest thing is an A because if I  can get the hardest thing done, then everything else becomes easy. If I start with the easiest, and then I  have that hard thing always hanging over my head. So even though I'm accomplishing things, I know the  hard one is still coming. So sometimes doing the hardest thing. First is actually the easiest thing. So this  is one model, easiest versus hardest model. The second model that you could use to help them prioritize  the list of things that they came up when they brainstorm is the ROI model. ROI sort of a business term,  and it means return on investment. So in the business world, when you invest in something, the goal is  to make money off that investment. If you put money in the bank, you want to get interest from your  money. And so you put your money into something that gives you the best yield, or the best interest rate,  return on investment. So good way to think about all of your life, even even in ministry, you could pour  all of your time into this one thing, but what ultimately does it produce. So this is sort of an aside, but as  a leader in a church, I have to pour my my energies into things that will multiply. So I pour myself into  leaders, who then influence all kinds of other people, if I pour all my resources into one person, you  know, trying to help one person, I've only helped one person, if I pour my research resource into a  leader, he ends up helping 10 people. So that's a better return on investment. So you can help your  clients think about the brainstorm they have. They have, you know, maybe a goal in their marriage a goal  and their business goal and their health. And they don't know which one to sort of focus on. One way to  help them think about it is which one of these areas do you think you will get a bigger return? Maybe it's  and maybe it's for a season? So are you going to get a bigger return on your health? Are you going to get  a bigger return in your marriage? Or are you going to get a bigger return on what thing so it's just a way  to help them think about what to choose how to prioritize return on their investment. Number three, fun  versus boring model. Okay, you've got five possible goals, five possible action steps, talking to the client  now, and let's just rank them by which would be more fun, and which would be just a lot of work. And it  doesn't mean that you know, you're going to start with the ones that are fun, but it just helps see what  you're doing is trying to help the client think about it. They don't know how to prioritize it yet. And  that's why they haven't done these things. So in some ways, this whole thing is about trying to help a  client do what they really want to do, but they don't know what that is. So you're sort of giving them all  these model options to help them think about what they want to do. So it's all of a sudden now they're  thinking this way they weren't thinking this way before. Okay, which one of these things would be more  fun? Maybe what they need is a little more fun in their life. And again, you don't dictate you don't tell  them, you know, why don't you pick the one that's more fun because it will be more fun and you'll be  more motivated. You don't know, you always want to leave it up to them. You're just helping them think  about it. Boring, fun, boring, fun. Okay, this is boring. But maybe I should start with the thing that's  boring, because otherwise I'll never get to it. Or I need a little fun in my life. And you don't know that.  Only the client knows that. Number four, the analytical prioritization versus throwing a dart model.  Okay, some of you probably wondering what this means. The answer to analytical prioritization is, you  know, you look at the five options, you know, during the brainstorm thing, or even something in your  family, something in your marriage, something that works something with your health, you have all  these different goal options. Let's analyze each one of them and see which one we should do. So you're,  you know, it's a real analytical thing. Let's try to figure out, you know, what's the pluses and minuses of  this? What's the pluses and minuses of this one? What are the pluses and the minuses of this one, so 

you're analyzing each one. And then hopefully, out of that analytical process, the client can figure out  which goal they want to choose. But another way of doing is just throw a dart, you know, and what this  is, it's just a game. There's like numbers and circles on a board. And then you throw a dart, and you  don't, you don't know exactly where the Dart is going to end up. And so you can present this as a way of  priority, you have five different goals here. And maybe it doesn't matter which one you pick, maybe you  can't figure out which one that you pick. So just close your eyes and pick one. In other words, the goal is  just to get one and it doesn't matter maybe which one that you pick, and you give a client the freedom to  do that. That's, you know, probably some clients are really, this is how we're going to prioritize, we're  just going to throw a dart and see what happens. If that's what you want to do. Maybe Maybe that's what  you want to it doesn't matter. The point is to get you doing something. Number five, this is another  model of trying to help the client prioritize opportunities versus obligation model. So of the five things,  five possible action points that we could adopt and try to do. What are your obligations, and  opportunities or obligations are, you know, in my marriage, my wife is expecting this, I've let her down.  And so she's expecting these kinds of things at work. Right now there's this, you know, I promise to do  this report or this activity, and we're behind, see those are obligations. Then there's opportunities. And  maybe one of the options in the brainstormed options is leaning more towards an obligation. The reason  that's on your mind is because you made a commitment people are counting on you. But then in this  other area of your life, there's this great opportunity, there's an opportunity to expand the business. Or if  you didn't, if you just work on this one thing, who knows what the possibilities might be, like. So it might  be like going back to school or taking a class at CLI, trying something maybe church planting, there's  something that you haven't done, but it's an opportunity. So life is filled with this tension between the  obligations that you already have, and all the opportunities that are out there. Okay. So, as a coach, I'm  coming to the client and saying, Okay, we've written down some things, we've looked at some possible  things that you might be interested in doing some action steps that will relieve some pressure or will  will move you towards some goal that you have. But it let's look at the your obligations and  opportunities. Let's start try to identify each one. This was an opportunity, this was an obligation, this  was an opportunity. Okay, now that you explore that looked at that. Now, which way do you want to go?  Okay, so, sometimes that doesn't help because now the person is torn? Do I do something that I'm  obligated to do? Or should I do work finally towards something that I have an opportunity, but at least  now you have the client thinking where he should be thinking instead of just, you know, picking one,  he's like, Okay, I have to make a choice between this obligation, the obligations in my life are keeping me  from opportunities. So I need to, I need to somehow deal with these obligations. So I can get to the  opportunities because I never, you know, most people never get to their opportunities. So they keep just  doing the same old thing, because they're stuck in obligation. But here, at least you're giving the client a  choice, it's up to you. Maybe this is your dilemma, maybe this is your real plot problem, that you're  conflicted over these two things. So it helps, you know, open their minds to what's really going on  behind the scenes in their own life. Number six, the challenge versus routine model, this is kind of  similar to the opportunities and obligations model. But again, it helps the client like you have five  possibilities of things you want to work on. You know, and we're thinking about for this next week, or  this next month, or next few months, these are the things that you say you want to do. Okay, so out of  those options of the possible things that you said you wanted to do, which one of these is more on the  challenge side, like, it's gonna be hard, but I'm, I want to challenge myself, or which one of these things,  it's just a matter of doing them. Okay? So. So when we think about our life, and the things we want to do  and change, there's some routine things that we're just not doing. But we're behind, and we just got to  get at it. It's just a lot of hard work. And we got to make a priority. And so by this time, next week, I'm  going to have these five things done, because they're hanging over my head, but they're routine. They're  just, they just require time. And they require work. Or is this a challenge? This is something new, it's it's,  you know, it's not just routine, I don't even know if I'm going to succeed. So if you look at so you're 

helping the client, look at his options, you know, we're trying to prioritize the things that he's  brainstorm, and, and in so what do you which direction you want to go, you want to go more in the  challenge direction? Or do you want to get just some things that you know, you can do, you just want to  get them done. So it might be that they choose? Well, I really need to get these things done, they're  hanging over my head, I want to get the routine things done. And then when I get those done, maybe we  can move on to the challenge, or someone is like bogged down in in routine. And he just needs challenge  to get his heart moving again. Number seven, prioritization action item, model number seven, guilt  versus freedom model. Okay, so again, looking at the brainstorm options, you know, something in my  marriage, something of my business, something in my health, or whatever the five might be. You're,  you're getting the client to, to look at those things in terms of this guilt. Of these five things, which, which  of these are you sort of motivated to put on your list because you're feeling guilty, you know, you're  committed to something, you let someone down, you should have gotten this done long time ago. But  there it sits, and guilt is motivating you. Or, you know, which of these would give you a sense of freedom,  that instead of living up to everyone else's expectations, you're finally free? To do what you really want  to do. Okay? So if you can at least sort of label these things, you know, free guilt. Now, which one? Do you  really want to choose? Do you want to go the freedom route? Or do you want to go the guilt route? And  again, there's no right answer. You're just giving someone again, all these models are just giving a client  a way to think about their own stuff. And the reason why you're doing it is, or helping them with these  models is because they haven't been able to do it on their own. They haven't been able to think in terms  of, you know, most people are just inundated with all these things. And they have no categories with  which to sort of think about them. Alright, number eight. Number eight is the least unleading  prioritization model in some ways. Remember, coaching is you're not trying to lead the person you're,  you're you're not trying to supply the answer. Okay as a coach, I'm trying to help the client, figure out  the answer for themselves. Because if they can figure out, figure out the answer for themselves and be  more motivated to do it, if I tell them what they should do, if I start instructing them on what they should  do, maybe they like it. Maybe they think I'm a great teacher. But when they hit the first bump in the road,  they hit the first obstacle, they quit because it wasn't their idea. People work hard on things that they  come up with. So that's what we're trying to do. So in some of these models that I've talked about earlier,  I'm sort of leading them in a little bit, you know, is this a challenge? Or is this just a standard routine  kind of thing? And is this an opportunity? Or is this a commitment? I'm helping sort of frame their  thinking? So I'm, I'm leading a little bit, okay, I'm, I'm giving them possible models. Now, again, I'm not  telling them what to do. I'm just giving them a framework with which they can think about, you know,  what they want to do? The least leading is this. Okay, just a simple question, what action oriented goal  do you want to focus on for next week? So you help them, you know, this whole prioritization, how  you've helped them, try to think about areas in their life that they'd like to work on, that they'd like to  get something done, that they'd like to change about their life. You've helped them figure out what goal  that might be. But now, they have four or five of these goals, and they don't know which one to pick. So  you can help them with a model, or you can just not lead them in any way, shape, or form and simply  ask, okay, we've talked about five things, you mentioned five action steps, or goals that you want to do  something about your life, you can't do all of them at one time. So which one of these do you want to pick  for next week? So now I'm not leading them in any way. I'm not giving them you know, you can think  this way or this way. I'm just giving a blanket thing. It's up to you. And so I think this is a good place to  start. You just leave it very open. Which one of these things that would you like to do? That's the easiest  is most straightforward. You're not leading them in any way. These other models that we just went  through? Let me just go back. To them all these these first seven, easiest, hardest, ROI, fun, boring  analytical opportunities, obligations, challenge, routine, guilt, freedom, all these are sort of giving  structure and the only only reason why you use these is when they're stuck. Okay, you ask them. So  which one of these five Do you want to do next week? And they go, I don't know. I don't know how to 

even think about that. I don't know how to begin to analyze these five different things that I could do.  And that's true for a lot of people. That's why they need a coach. They need a coach to help them figure  out what they want to do. But I would at least start with this number eight. Start with just a simple  question, what action oriented goal Do you want to focus on for next week? And you know, maybe half  the time, they will gravitate towards one of the five things that you've talked about, without you framing  it and without giving them any structure at all. And if they do do that, they're more likely to follow  through. Alright, we'll see you next time.