Steve - All right, welcome. My name is Steve Elzinga and I'm here with Abby Reyenga and  Henry Reyenga. And we're going to have a little session here together, it's time to Henry is  going to be the coach. And I'm the coach, mentor coach I suppose. We're going to assume,  Abby, that we've already talked about what coaching is, and what coaching, isn't and the  prerequisites. So we taken care of all those things. And now we're actually just going to  launch into the coaching situation. So, Henry, why don't you take it away?  

Henry - You know, Abby, I'm glad that we talked about what coaching is not coaching is. So  now we're going to just, I have this kind of what do we call a flip chart, I have a flip chart that  kind of helps me stay focused. And so if you don't mind, I'll just go through the questions and  we can go from there. First of all, I have a three questions and maybe you can respond to one  of them, or maybe one or two of them. Where in your life, do you think it would be helpful to  have a coach? That's one question, where in your life, are you hurting? Or is there a problem?  Where in your life, would you like to see some improvement?  

Abby - So I would say there's a couple areas where I can see a coach being helpful for me,  one of them being I'm about to get married in a little bit. So even just joining together as one  again, I'm really happy in my relationship. But I know, marriage is a new challenge. And even  the coming together of the families and all that to just that would be great to have a coach on my schooling. As I'm moving forward with my classes here at CLI I would love to, I've been  kind of stuck for a while I haven't been going as fast as I wanted to. So some help on that  would be helpful. And then I have a couple of friend situations where I could see a coach  being very helpful in the ministering to them, because the friends I'm thinking of none of  them are believers, either. So that proposes another challenge on to just the conflict we have  with one another. There's also that piece of wanting to minister to them.  

Henry - Really you Steve. I don't know, she has so many problems, or situations. Where do I  take one? No. Okay.  

Steve - So you remember, if you pick one that you're in charge, right? You want her in charge.  Abby - So I could pick the one that's maybe hurting me the most or,  

Henry - Oh, okay, so I just flip the chart then. Okay. This is all right there. Okay. So I have all  the answers that you came up with, to these three questions, what would you like to focus on  the most?  

Abby - Probably two of them because they they're more urgent to me would be the wedding  and the friend situations because the friend situations tie into the wedding, I want to restore  the relationship with one of them. And I want to be there for the other one who's struggling.  While all this is going on during the wedding, and I'd like both of them to be bridesmaid. So  

it's a very interesting time. And that's a lot more on my forefront where I'm going to resume  school after the wedding is done so I'm not going to be going as fast on that pace. And  whatnot,  

Henry - so is there one of those two that you want to focus on first?  

Abby - Maybe the friends just because I know that I have a little more time to maybe get  coached in the marriage. And I would want some of that coaching to be with Mitch where I  feel a friend thing is more a me thing to deal with on my own to some extent.  

Steve - Notice, what I noticed is she just naturally went to the thing that makes the most  sense, right? The friend thing is just your friend and not Mitches and Mitch is needed. And the  whole pre marriage counseling thing is more of an evolved thing. a lot of pieces to it. Right 

then a whole plan has to be figured out with that one. Whereas this friend one is like a  specific.  

Abby - I'm hoping it can be addressed faster and sooner. Yeah.  

Steve - Okay. Like a one session can write rather the other one is more like okay, there's  several pieces to read. There's more long spectrum, which by the way, is one of the badges  that you can actually get certified in this pre marriage counseling world, right because it is  more involved. There's more steps, there's more things to actually teach and then do  coaching with excellent. Yeah.  

Henry - Right. So So what action goal might come out of this or what were you hoping to  make a goal for?  

Abby - Well, the goal would be for the one friend to be able to make amends with her so that I could ask her to be a bridesmaid be part of the wedding and which is coming up really quicker than I had expected. So that causes maybe some stress too. And then for the other friend just 

to make sure that maybe I'm being sensitive enough to her, because there's some mental  health struggle and depression and that kind of thing. So very different than the other friend  in some way, although I think the friend that's having a conflict with me might be struggling  with other things that I don't really know.  

Henry - Do you think that there's some thing that has occurred recently that's created this  conflict?  

Abby - I think that this one friend, she's doing a lot four different jobs. And she's had some  family health struggles for her dad. And then she's had some other financial struggles. So I  don't know if all that added up. But all I know is that we had had planned to hang out a little  bit late and she just left. So it was just kind of odd, because she's typically really late to  things. So it was just like, Well, I'm not sure why this really pushed the button on you. And you just totally like, left me. So that was the causation. But I don't I know, that's not what the  problem is. That's just some symptom of it.  

Henry - So this is really the problem that you would like this life coaching relationship to really look at and help you figure out what to do.  

Steve - So when she said, you know that this really isn't the problem, then the what you might ask is because your feeding off of her. right? You're not the question you asked before was  more leading, right? Don't you think? Or could it be? And now you're leading her and says, he  said, Can you tell me more about this situation? allows her to say whatever she wants. But  now she said, but I don't think this is the problem. So then it would be well, what do you think  is the problem? Is behind it? Because she brought it up? Right? Not you, you didn't bring it  up?  

Henry - Right? So I'm not like guessing and then throwing something in there.  Steve - Right? You're letting her guess. Right. Right.  

Henry - So what what happens, though, if you all of a sudden get stuck, and you know, the  client or that parishoner just doesn't say anything anymore? And do you take some stabs to  get them talking? Or do you just sort of let it set? How do you deal with that?  

Steve - Let it settle a while, but I think if you can just get them keep talking. Can you tell me  more about that? Why this is a problem? Can you tell me? You know, like you're just asking for

information about this situation? And the more she talks about it? The more she's like putting, you know,  

Henry - Now she mentioned two relationships there. And then she focused on one of the two.  When I go back to the other now, you said earlier another situation with a friend who's  struggling. How do you see that situation?  

Steve - Well, or you might want to keep pursuing that one. You know, apparently that was on  our forefront. Right? So it's following early? Not yearly. Right?  

Abby - Right. Because again, for the other friend, we're, we're good with each other. I just  want to be better administer with the other friends like mad at me. So it's more of a like  forefront issues that make sense why I'm like naturally, right, going that way.  

Henry - Right? So really don't distracted back even though she said, the two,  

Steve - they might when you're done with this one, they'd come back out the other one and  say, Well, you know, that's not really a problem, or whatever it might be for you. But you can  only solve one thing at a time, but instead of you picking, which friends you want to talk  about, she naturally figures out what she wants to do. And you're just trying to get her  talking, keep talking and tell me more about it. And then teeing off I don't think that's the  problem. What do you think is the problem so I'm just asking the question. Right, not leading  you a certain direction.  

Henry - So let's go back to that place. So Abigail, what do you think is the problem in that  relationship?  

Abby - I think the problem Well, I think the reason and the button was pushed at the time is  because as I mentioned, she's doing a lot of different jobs right now until her time to her any  moment she has free time is a big deal to her. So me being late really violated that. So that  was a problem. But I think more the problem is her expectations in me. I did not meet and I  didn't know that she had these particular expectations of me. But then she explained to me  before saying I need space that this this and this had been bothering her but I had no idea  because she was telling me one thing but feeling another thing. So I just was like Okay, so  those are more of the problems. But I know time it was a big deal to her because she does  seem to have so little free time  

Henry - what expectations were there?  

Abby - she felt like I did not like so I brought with Mitch with me and she expected didn't need  to know that I didn't want her to bring that even though she said that's fine with her. And I  typically don't. So I could see it becoming a sore spot for her if every time I did something  with her, I said oh Mitch is coming, oh Mitch is coming, Mitch is coming. But I was surprised  when I very infrequently do that. And then she acted like, you know, this something you do all the time. And it's like, not really? So, again, I just felt very confused, because I'm like, I had no idea. You were upset on this at all. But she's like, I shouldn't even have to explain this to you.  It's how she worded it. It's like, oh, but I had no idea that you felt that way. Because you told  me another thing.  

Henry - So where are you right now?  

Abby - According to her what she said to another one of our friends is we're not on speaking  terms, which I don't even understand. Because I, I'm not even mad at her. I'm just like, can we move past it? You know? So. 

Steve - So one of the one of the two things you give to like two options of going, okay, you  can try to understand more about the situation. So more questions about, okay, tell me more  about that. Or tell me more about this? Because you want you want her to keep talking  because you don't quite see what? Or if you think that she's sort of done. She said, All she has to say and you understand it as much as you're going to understand it, then finally you can  kind of go okay, so it's a complicated situation and misunderstanding all these things. And I,  you know, I get that, that makes sense. Do you see anything that you could possibly do?  What, what possible things could you possibly do?  

Henry - So now, that really comes now into the section of the plan? Right?  

Steve - Okay, so, ultimately, we have to do something, right. We can talk about it. And talking  about it is good and understanding. What's she's thinking? But ultimately, nothing's gonna  change unless you do something. Right. And so what is it? Right? So now it's like  brainstorming, again. So what, what could be possibly do?  

Henry - So just to review what we've gotten so far, so we really we've gone over the  prerequisites, what coaching is what coaching is not, and we didn't do that here. But you saw  that last when we were talking about that. And then the thing we're done now is to explore  what the problem is and to help the person or client identify their priority of the problem that  you think.  

Steve - And your questions to try to understand the situation primarily to help her go through  this thing again, like can I get all right? Okay, this is what happened. That was the real  problem. So she's actually contemplating the whole thing as she's telling you. Right? Right.  And, ultimately, ultimately, she knows way more about it than you do. Right. So that's why  ultimately to finally come and say, Well, what do you think could be done? I mean, really,  what she's done is to think about it, she's the one qualified to think about it, right? Whereas  you're gonna guess, right? Well, Abby, don't you think you didn't? Think you should just call  her today? And then, you know,  

Henry - and I think that's what I was tempted to do and maybe it's being a pastor a long time, because we've seen situations, that's a danger to, in the sense, diagnose on the spot quickly,  right? Like, in my mind, I was like, you know, just go to her house, knock on the door, you  know? Tell you, you know, you might actually go okay, but it wasn't your idea and maybe  you're not 100% into it, then it doesn't work and then it blows up and then it's like  

Abby - well, that makes me go back to like, did you know enough about the situation because  like I mentioned once about space was like her big thing is like, Give me space. So then it's  like, if I go knock on the door to me, I feel that would be like, inappropriate at the current  situation. But then my problem is I She wants me to give her space but now I've moved up my wedding significantly. So I can't really get her space, unless I want to just totally exclude her.  so that's what caused it to again be more at the forefront where I had put it more like  backburner until that happened where I moved up the wedding. Yeah.  

Steve - So now you're in a pickle. Exactly.  

Henry - So So now again, we can keep talking so that now we go to after the action steps  here. Now, what's the plan? Well, we don't have an action. Action. Okay. We don't know what  to do. That's right. That we were talking about. One of the goals I went along and now we are  talking about talking about this goal, this plan. So now comes the  

Steve - The plan is after you have a goal. you want to restore this relationship. Oh, 

Henry - okay. So let's get into why we're doing this. He, you guys laugh at me. so my next  point on here is action point where I ask the question, what action goal do you think might  come out of this discussion to work on this problem? Well, yeah, like the definitive board book. Brainstorm,  

Abby - right? So here's, there's about two, that I think so there's two options that I keep  seeing. And I'm sure there's probably more than two, but it's either A, we restore things, and  I'm able to ask her be a bridesmaid or be she's forever excluded from my wedding, even if we restore our relationship. Okay. Those are the big two there, right? There's probably an in  between maybe she says she'll attend, but she can't stand up right now. Or whatever. Or?  Yeah, I mean, I feel like, hopefully, even if she isn't in the wedding, we'll be able to start the  relationship, I suppose she could not be the wedding. And we could not start a relationship  because that makes it worse. So I mean, obviously, what I want is to restore the relationship  and ask her to be a bridesmaid.  

Steve - So that's, so that's a clear goal. Right? So now how do we get there?  

Henry - in the class, you want to go to the next section, or take a break here and just keep on  falling through. Okay. So well, Abby. Just wait, you do. Okay. So now that we really I see, your  goal is to really restore the relationship and as a man, like, I just want this to go away. Okay. I  

just have to be disturbing me anymore. Right, right. In fact, that'd be a danger, because the  Christian Answers, we want this restored and everything before the wedding. But in some  ways, that could be my pastor goal. That's not necessarily my art. But it isn't to say it could  have not been relationship was all along, or whatever. And right, finally, time to end it. Right?  You don't know enough about the relationship to be able to say this is what I think you should  do when she does see a rival history. Right? Okay. Well, now that we hear that your goal is to  restore the relationship and ask her to be in the wedding. Well, let's talk about what you're  going to do about it. What's possible? Yeah, we're brainstorming. So what action steps would  you make it too much? What are you going to do? That puts a lot of pressure on the person to  think about the perfect answer, right, where they're thinking on the spot, right? So in a sense, we're still not into a definitive action step. We're still in offense greenlighting possible action.  So we have our clear goal to restore the relationship. And now we're asking, what action steps would you like to take toward reaching your desired goal?  

Abby - So I feel the first action type is going to somehow be to reach out to her and let her  know that this date has been moved up. But is that a text? Is that a call? Is that going to the  door? I don't. I'm still not really sure on what way she would respond back. In the past, I tried  to call her but she has not picked up. But she'll text me. So then does that mean I should take  text her out? I don't know.  

Henry - When is the last time you did text her?  

Abby - about a week ago, but I've been giving her space until something happened with the  one friend and then I reached out to her about it. But she didn't she didn't respond to me  though. So then I was like, okay,  

Henry - Do you have any other ideas of opportunities?  

Abby - I don't know. I mean, I could send her something so that I don't personally go to her  door, but I'm not just texting or calling her I mean, you could even be a bridesmaid basket.  Will you be wanting  

Henry - Is their other anything else that you would want to send or? 

Abby - I don't know, because it's not like I have because she's cut out the other front to sound like I have someone that I can speak to to say, Hey, can you speak on my behalf? I don't have anyone that could speak on my behalf to her. So I don't really see another possible action  step. But I don't know what to say or what to send or what if I do  

Henry - what action steps for results in conflict in the past in the scene like this anything.  

Abby - So about two years ago, we had a very slight conflict. And we were able to, I texted her and she was willing to FaceTime, we're able to resolve it right there. This time, she's not  willing, she wants the whole space thing. So it's different than last time, she does not feel like  she wants to take the same route of solving. But other than that, we've never really had any  issues with each other.  

Steve - So what you can do here is you can sort of summarize what you hear that she's  saying.  

Henry - So what I hear you saying is, is that she won't take your phone calls. She has taken  your texts, but not every text. In the past, you had resolved things by FaceTiming. But she  isn't open to that this time. You did think that maybe you should send like some sort of gift  over there about like the bridesmaid sash or something like that. And you said, like he  laughed, well, yeah, in my way. No, you're currently you know, or something, right? Would  that be awkward?  

Abby - Oh, and my concern is, is it better to try to restore without mentioning the bridesmaid  thing? Or will me being very clear at why I'm so urgent to restore it sooner is because the  urgency of the bridesmaid acts being like she needs to order her dress, if she's going to be in  the wedding.  

Henry - Gotcha. So there is a little urgency.  

Abby - There's a little urgency, but I hate for her to think that I'm trying to bribe her lean  restore the relationship by saying oh, you can be a bridesmaid even though I've always  planned on having her be one  

Henry - Have you ever asked her in the past?  

Abby - Well, what I think is hard, too, which makes me worry that she'll say it forever. It will  because I had so many different bridesmaids. I kept trying to decide, do I want to keep it  small and family? Or do I want to grow in front? So I have one stage worth thinking on?  Because the one time she asked me and I'm like, I'm not sure. So then I was just leaving it at  that. But before I'd always thought y'all have her and then after that literally a couple weeks  later, I was thinking yeah I'm putting all the friends back in there because I wanted to have  more maid of honors than most. And I thought if I only have four bridesmaids, and they're all  like me, no point cheese, I just felt like overall, I wanted to extend it. And I wanted to  generously have more people in there that I've meant a lot in my life. And of course, she was  one of them, you know, top of the list to some extent.  

Henry - Okay. So now, over the years, there's been creative ways that I've noticed how to like  things such as, have you thought about bringing her flowers and just flowers? And same  thing? I guess? I know, in this case, if I didn't do it, by asking you Do you you don't really  direct as coaching Minister, the green line here, even if you have ideas to be that is awfully  tempting to say,  

Steve - you know, the reality is she has a good handle on it. What I are saying is it's a  dilemma. It's really a dilemma. And she's thought about all the little nuances of angles and all

these dilemmas. And it's like, so I would say something like, it sounds like a real dilemma. And you've really looked at all the different angles. And it feels like you just have to make a leap of faith. Is that where you're feeling? Like, you know, you have to do one or the other, you have  to do something.  

Henry - So they have to question what might be the first step? And I mean that really? So  what might be the first step in this, you've looked at various things? What do you what are  you thinking?  

Steve - Like you mentioned, you know, sending the note? Which one do you feel in your gut?  Maybe there are 49, 50% You know, like a 50/50. Like, you can do this you can write but do  you feel once maybe 50 You feel a little  

Abby - I keep switching the parameters. So they okay, because she wants space and text has  been the only communication in general she's given me that seems like too easy. Like, okay,  that shouldn't be too much if she wants to respond, or if she can, if she doesn't, she doesn't.  The other part of me feels like, hey, we haven't gotten anywhere with texts, maybe I do need  

to go to the next level and send the package right. So that's how it keeps pushing incoming  phone. This is the only way she seems to want to be talking to that tracking error. So maybe  this is what I need to try. But I just I don't know again, I don't want her to think I'm just asking  her to be a bridesmaid to try to restore the relationship when days before got engaged. I've  been thinking Yep, she's in the wedding, no doubt. And then we have the fight the day before  we had gotten proposed or I got proposed to  

Steve - so it's just she has two action things. So then it's like, okay, let's explore each one of  those. If you send the box, what's the positives? And what's the possible negatives? Gotcha.  Look at the other one isn't positive that might help her go? Because we just need to get her to 51% on one of them. Right. And right now she's like 50/50. So she needs to think more about? 

Henry - Because I've mentioned really two approaches here. Do you feel one stronger initially  to or should we talk about the positives and negatives of each of those options.  

Abby - I think that the positives and negatives to the positive the text, it's easy for me, and  it's already been established by her as like the only way to communicate. So I feel like that  would be the pros of that the cons, as I think again, I haven't really gotten anywhere with her  with it in the past. So why would that change anything? The pros of the bag definitely would  show I put more effort and more care. And it would, it would definitely be more work. But the  cons are I have no. I feel like when I send her a text, I know it's like delivered to her like I know this will be on her door. She'll get it but like, I feel like it almost could be easier to ignore too  you know, you don't keep seeing her on the phone. But maybe she would not ignore that. So  it's hard for me to even totally pin down the road and Congress, I'm saying  

Henry - is there a is there a both and option? If both are 50? Do you feel that this could be a  both and option? Or do you feel that's one or the other? Or do you feel one only would be  your strongest hunch?  

Abby - Maybe what I could do at both and would be is I could prepare the package get that  ready with her like bridesmaid thing. And I already had bought for her put it in the basket with maybe flowers, put it on her doorstep. And if I don't hear anything from her, then text her and say, Hey, I'm assuming you did see this. Maybe you didn't for some odd reason. But I send  that to you, I want you to know the day it's coming. So soon, I really want to hear from you  and restore this. Because I don't want to constantly buy into to overshadow something that's  going to be very lifelong in the photos and all those things. So even if you're so frustrated, I  want you to be in that way, you know, being my wedding. 

Henry - What do you think of it?  

Abby - I think that what I'll probably do then is make the basket first. And then if I don't hear  anything from her, my last resort would be the text and then if she ignored that too. Then I  just have to say, you know, I've done my best of all the options I feel I can do and it's gonna  be on her court totally. And if she wants to restore it, then kind of in her hands.  

Henry - Now the net now that was good. Yeah. Okay, so now comes a management faze.  

Steve - That's when you wouldn't so now it would be like, Well, when do you want to do this?  Because people make plans, but then they go do them? Yeah, I want to do.  

Henry - So. Abigail, that sounds great. So when are you going to do this? What's your thought  about that?  

Abby - since it's time sensitive, I will try to get this basket to her before the weekend. And if  she doesn't respond over the whole weekend, Monday, I would text her. Okay.  

Steve - So the only thing I would change in all this, Because it was really excellent. is I think  he didn't have to say both and. Okay, I wanted to say that. I wanted to suggest that. Because  you're talking about both of them. They both sound good. And they both have their purposes.  She would have figured that out. If you're just said something like, is there a third way or  another? You know, there's something else that you struggle with? Right there. So five? Both  So will you help me there? So what that is, or another way would have been this instead of?  Let's just keep talking about these two things, right? Because if she figures it out, she owns it  more than if your why is that?  

Henry - Why does? Why does that process happen?  

Abby - Why is that so bad? Because that helps me?  

Steve - I think it's because it's number one, we're trying to help people figure out that they  can figure things out. Even when you're in a dilemma is doing over this stuff again and again  and doing these sorts of things. And you're helping your client. You're not gonna be with your  client forever, you're not gonna have every decision with them. So you're helping them see  that. Okay, when you get into a dilemma, you just have to keep going over this ground and  pressing like, the only thing he's pressing for is okay, so what do you want to do? Right, you  want to do well, I think when we're in a problem, we just want to talk about it. forever  because we don't want to take any action. Taking an action is a risk. Yeah, right do the wrong  thing. And as long as you're commiserating about the problem, there's a reason for you not to take an action because it could be the wrong action to blow things up and blow things up. And so right, it's good for me not to do an action, but nothing changes. So forever and pushing  pushing towards the decision. But I think you figured that out anyway, you would come up  with the bullet. And as you were talking, you're just making some good points about both.  Eventually, it's  

Henry - one thing I noticed too Steve is that this, believe it or not, really does help. And, you  know, I've done a lot of pastoral counseling, and therapy and all these things over the years,  in a lot of ways, you know, just let the Spirit lead, you hear a little insane things, you bring up  things from the past and everything that which could also sidetrack or make things go in  different directions. What I like about this, this little coaching handbook here, is I go back and  say, oh, yeah, keep it on the action, keep on the action, don't go moving into, like another  opinion, I find that, I mean, I would like to memorize this, and I will memorize it. But still, even if you memorize it, it takes a lot of discipline to be a coach, a minister, where you keep the  focus on them. 

Steve - And trusting that they, they know their problem more than you do. And ultimately, it's  just they're having a hard time pulling the trigger, making a decision moving forward. And it's  good to have a sounding board to put all the stuff on the table, you're looking at it all. And  then you can see it. Whereas, you know, when you're in the middle of the problem, it's just  like bouncing off the walls. And there's all this stuff coming at you and all the emotions on.  Right. Everything that's going on, I was talking to several sort of focuses.  

Abby - Right kept me last from going on about the text she sent me and sent her other my  other friends kept me more like, what am I going to do? Because now I'm sitting here thinking, I'm really motivated to as soon as I get out of here for her thing they got that yeah, definitely  worth everything  

Henry - Now Steve what sort of struck me is the parent child relationship. I'm Father, this was  my daughter, and I would you know, there are times when I felt Mr. Dad wanted to come out.  And then I began to think about me, you know, this was my last point, everybody, you know,  like, I wish I known some of the parenting styles.  

Abby - Because it can definitely be applied to parenting, this kind of life coaching,  Henry - especially the kids get older and older and older.  

Steve - Because when they, you know, when they are allowed to come up with some of their  own solutions and their own abilities, rather than always dependent on dad, right, dad? I  needed neither is not bad. But I think over in general, you want your kids to be self reliant.  decision maker, it takes time to let them come to it. Right, you have 50 years of dealing with  people. So a solution comes to your mind right away. Right? Whereas the other person, the  other they're in, they're in the middle of it, it's harder to derive your solution because you're  in the middle of the rock. Right, right. But you get to it, get to the solution, you have to trust  that they can figure it out.  

Henry - Well, in 50 years, you said That's right. I mean, our exercise, brain of solving problems is long and developed.  

Steve - But also, you know, you know, I can see both and and then you go, Oh, yeah, that  could work. But if you had as do you see some other way or some third way or something,  there might have been a third solution that would come out of her experience, because she  says, all the years of this person and all of a sudden something would come to her that you  and I wouldn't be able to get that.  

Henry - One more question. What if she said something as a minister? That I just feel like you  know, that is wrong. That is not in the prerequisites of Christianity. I think I didn't hear  anything today. But I'm just saying that could happen is where is the value for the minister?  You know, The Life Coach Minister, the Minister part the ordained minister part is now like  threatened. I know taking Your class to keep that non judgmental place. But you know, there,  

Steve - you have to make a decision is what she's talking about, is that gonna hurt her other  people? Then you have to step you have to go okay, let me take the coaching hat off a  minute. Okay. And I want to put the pastoral care hat on, the minister because I have a  concern  

Abby - right, because you don't want to let people go out and hurt other people when you  very well see. 

Henry - Yeah, life coach that would have been with Hitler would have said, Oh, that might be  Versa then she's like, my boyfriend. Right? I want to know, well, let me put my pastor hat on  you know, in a very non judgmental way, I'm just trying to say this, okay. So there is a roll into put on another hat. And it might just fall from come to you and be okay with that. But do it in  such a way that isn't like, Okay, I heard what you said there. The pastor gotcha like, yeah,  right.  

Steve - And if it's something that's small, and you know, if you're going to have a relationship, a coaching relationship with this person, you might save it for a time when you have a better  relationship, if this is your first meeting, it's going to be difficult for me to all of a sudden  disagree, I am trying to correct everything that's wrong in their life, right? People will have all  kinds of different things, everything. So you really have to wait for a relationship to develop  where there's trust, right? Now, you can maybe put out a different hat, do you mind, if I put  out I just want to know,  

Henry - I know that a lot of times in ministry. And I've seen this a few times I've done this  where all of a sudden the verse comes to mind. You know, like, there's, she's talking about  conflict, and you know, and God will make all things right, you know, you know, you're you  just like different verses. But in a sense, that's a form of distraction in this relationship,  

Steve - and now what you could do is, say, do you do any verses come to mind to you about  this situation, right? Now you're drawing on her knowledge, she can find something or there's  something in the Bible about, and then you will find that II Timothy or whatever right now. She feels good about being able to connect those dots, rather than you feeling good about it,  

Henry - where we always have to resist doing is like sort of like being a pastor, person in the  know. And this is what we always have to say, I want you to identify your problems, I want  you to think of the creativity, the solutions, his own plan that is  

Steve - What you're doing is helping them slow down. Think about it in a more logical way.  Look at the pieces on the table. And then you see, and then she says something that hints,  like a bit of action towards this way. And the deal is that you're just bringing to life what she  just said. I guess I was saying something about an action route, and now we can go down that trail. You're just helping bring out while you're busy. Gotcha.  

Abby - Well, that was very helpful. Thank you.

最后修改: 2022年02月22日 星期二 12:23