All right. We're in the homestretch in this class on pre marital coaching part of  our whole series on the different badges that you can earn and take classes to,  to be more specialized in your coaching. I hope this has been helpful to you,  maybe you're a pastor, or you're a church worker, maybe you've taken the  officiant class here at CLI. And you've had people ask if they would marry you.  And now you're being equipped to actually meet with couples and go beyond  just planning the ceremony, but actually planning their marriage. But the  ceremony is part of that. So we began looking at the whole wedding vows, and  then the wedding ceremony, at least the order last time. So the wedding parts of  the Vows, the ceremony plan, the rehearsal, and the reception. And so we're up  to rehearsal. At least in the United States, we we make a plan of, you know, the  the order of the actual wedding ceremony, you know, this happens, and this,  this, and most couples, don't feel comfortable with it. Most people don't feel  comfortable standing up in front of a bunch of people, you know, as a pastor, I'm used to it, okay, it's, it's a weekly thing. But for the average person, they never  do it. So you have a couple, they want to get married, and all of a sudden, they  become the focus of everyone in the room. It's very intimidating. And even  though the wedding ceremony is very simple, I mean, I can, if a couple was  more secure, I could just say, let's skip the whole rehearsal. And tomorrow, we'll  we'll do the thing. And you don't have to remember any of this. Because I can  just lead you along. Who gives this woman to this man, her mother and I, okay,  well come on up. They come up. All right, we talked about, you know, the  meaning of marriage, and we talk about vows. And then I say, okay, share your  vows. Okay, now that you shared your vows, let's exchange rings. Okay, who's  got the ring? All right, this ring is an outward visible sign inward spiritual graces  ring is for you to get handed to them. Okay, repeat after me. I wear this ring is a  symbol of my love and faithfulness. They do it. Okay, let me pronounce you,  husband ard wife. All right, go light the candle. Alright, let's pray. All right, here's  my message for you. I mean, really, there's nothing for them to remember.  There's nothing for them to do. It just flows and if I, the leader, know what's next. It's gonna be no problem. But people are, you know, they want to rehearse.  They want to know where they stand, they want to know where everyone else  stands. And so people have this sense of a need for rehearsal. All right. So if  we're going to have a rehearsal, I really encourage the couple to plan  everything. pre plan everything about that rehearsal, the order, who does what,  who stands where, what is said, What is sung, where everything is. Plan it, to its minute is detail. Because if you don't plan it, then some relatives will step in. And what's worse is you may have two relatives step in, and one says we should do  it this way. And one says we should do it that way. And it becomes this big  argument. And now the whole family, both sides of the family are trying to figure  out how to do something. And it's total absolute chaos. So I always tell a couple  look, you know, from the time I say, who gives this woman to this man, and, you 

know, let me introduce you to this new couple, you know, I'm gonna take care of  some of these things. But you better figure out all these other details where the  flowers are going to be all this stuff, because if you don't, it'll be total mass  chaos. And I've been to wedding rehearsals where it is total chaos. And, you  know, I warn him, I'm like, okay, whatever, I'm not rescuing this. This is your  problem. So you read it reiterate over, you have to have everything down for me  where people stand, what's going to happen the order who's doing what, or the  rehearsals a disaster? Number two, relieves the pressure. You know what, at  the rehearsal time, I say, you know, we're going to go over things a couple of  times, you're going to be comfortable with this. And even if you forget  everything, it's still going to be okay. Because I have it, and I can, you know, I  can I can save any situation that we face here. In fact, the things that we mess  up, we'll just be good stories. 10 years from now, that you can tell your children  and your grandchildren relieve the pressure because there's a lot of pressure in  people working towards the wedding ceremony. They're planning and people are tired, and maybe they're on each other's family issues, all these things come out at a wedding weddings are really pressure cooker times. So as the coach as the leader, the officiant, you want to be the guy that's relieving the pressure. Have  fun. So in other words, I'm telling the couple all this, okay, I'm not at the actual  rehearsal, we're talking about the rehearsals, I'm telling him, this is what I'm  going to do, I'm going to relieve the pressure. And, you know, let's have fun.  Wedding ceremonies should be a fun thing. This shouldn't be the stressful thing. You know, and we're afraid of making mistakes. Let's not worry about that. So as an officiant, I'm trying to relieve people, I'm trying to relieve the couple's anxiety  ahead of time. The reception, okay, let's talk about the reception. What's the  purpose of the reception number one, to make the occasion of the wedding  memorable for the couple, and all who will witness for the accountability the to  the marriage. So we're trying to make this wedding ceremony memorable for the couple. That was a great time wasn't our wedding awesome. And wasn't the  ceremony and the things that we did and the songs that were sung and, you  know, lighting the candle and, and how you held my hand is trying to make this  memorable. Because as as a couple goes down the road in their marriage, you  know, it's not always easy. And so it's nice to reflect remember, remember when  it's good to have that foundation in the past. And you're trying to make it  memorable for everyone that was there. Why? So so so the reality of your  connection to each other is like rooted in this event? Oh, yeah, I remember your  wedding. We did this. And then we did that other thing. And oh, that was so cool. And I really that song that was sung or whatever was unique to your wedding.  You want people to remember it, because you want people to hold you  accountable to this. Hey, remember your wedding. I know you're struggling right  now. But remember those vows. Remember, remember the beauty there.  Remember, the passion and the commitment that you had back then. Try to 

hang on to that in this tough situation. Number two, is to reinforce to family and  friends, their own connections. So you know, you're having a party together,  you're doing something together, it reinforces those connections that you have  to those people. And it's those connections that you have to the people in your  life that ultimately comes back to you and supports you. So that's the whole  point in putting all this effort into this thing. To make it memorable, to make it an  important thing for the couple, but not only for the couple, but for family and  friends. whose strength you need in your marriage as you go forward. Well, how  do you accomplish this? Well, we accomplish it with food. You know, in the  United States, we're spending more and more on weddings, I don't know if we're getting, I don't know if we're getting any more. You could spend a lot of money  on the wedding and it still doesn't help the marriage. I think we've gone past the, you know, all the extra money we're spending is not really helping the marriage  last any longer. I think I think personally, I think you could have it take care of the wedding food by having a potluck. I mean, that was the way it is now it's catered in, you know, so many dollars per person. And because of that people can't  invite that many to their wedding because they can't afford it. I would invite  everyone under the sun. I don't care who wants to come. Every one that is  connected me you're welcome to come but bring a dish to pass. Why not? I  mean, I would enjoy a potluck better than then usually whatever the menu is,  you know, with a potluck, you get all kinds of interesting food. And if people  aren't willing to bring food to support you in your marriage, then what type of  connection do you have these people? You know, I know most couples are  going to go out and cater it and so on spend a lot of money, but I don't think it  adds any value. But food is a good thing. Okay, food is a really great thing. If you look in the Bible, it's it's always over food that people connect even the Lord's  Supper was a supper. Heaven is pictured as a banquet. So, so sharing food is is a great way to share experience together. And then fun. Have fun at your  wedding especially your reception. What's happening, at least in the United  States is the fun is being managed by the DJ, everyone feels the need to get a  DJ that plays music and so on. And the DJ ends up organizing the whole  rehearsal. We're gonna do this now we're gonna do this. It's just all his ideas,  take charge of your own rehearsal. What, what fun Do you want to have with  your rehearsal? Fellowship? How do we get people interacting? How do we  make this a special occasion? And how is faith represented here? We're not just getting married, not just two people getting married. We're two children of God  that God has brought together morass miraculously miracles mysteriously for a  purpose for His Kingdom? How are we going to celebrate it? How are we going  to accentuate it? If someone comes to this wedding? How are they going to  know that God is at the very essence and center of this thing? Alright, well, how  do I accomplish this I, I have as part of this course, it's part of the reading. I  found this thing on the internet 45 wedding reception ideas for Christian 

marriage, it's great. It's got all kinds of ideas about what you can specifically do,  and even how you can take some of the secular things that happen at weddings  at most weddings and that Christians are still doing, and sort of transform them  

into something more useful or more meaningful. So I want you to read that. So  you know, if I was doing this coaching, I would print it out and say here, here's  some ideas, you can research the internet for other ideas, but try to think about  your rehearsal as a means of ministry, not only to you, but to the people that are  there. And then finally, write a wedding reception timeline. Okay, well, once  again, what I see in most marriages, at least in the United States is that the  wedding reception timeline is written by the DJ, the person who just comes in to  do music, and they take over the whole thing, you take it over, you know, I'm  coaching a couple, I would say you need to be proactive, the reception is where  you can make it make the whole thing worthwhile. The truth is, most people are  bored when they come to a wedding. And then they come to a wedding and they see the ceremony, okay. And they go to reception, and they have food, you  know, food that they can get at any restaurant, you know, and then they cake  thing and all the things that people do at a reception, why not make it  meaningful? put some thought into what you're going to do in this reception. And you can do anything, it's your wedding. You don't have to do what other people  have done. It actually just, you know, follow the crowd and what everyone else  has done gets some unique thought to yourself. So that's what I'd be saying as  a as a coach. Alright, so we have one more session together and we'll be talking about follow up so the wedding ceremony, they get married, okay, they go on  their honeymoon, but now they come back. Now, I'm gonna suggest that you  meet with the couple when they come back from their honeymoon and then  come back, maybe six months later. Alright, we'll see you again.



Last modified: Monday, May 22, 2023, 7:56 AM