Weak: "The subject of this paper is my experience with ferrets as pets."
- Reasons for Weakness: This thesis is too vague and lacks a clear argument or focus.
Revised Strong Thesis: "My experience with ferrets as pets highlights their unique challenges and rewards, making them ideal companions for individuals seeking an unconventional but deeply fulfilling pet ownership experience."
Strong: "The government must expand its funding for research on renewable energy resources in order to prepare for the impending end of oil."
Weak: "Edgar Allan Poe was a poet who lived in Baltimore during the nineteenth century."
- Reasons for Weakness: This thesis is factual and lacks an argument or analysis.
Revised Strong Thesis: "Edgar Allan Poe's life in nineteenth-century Baltimore significantly influenced his literary works, shaping the dark and mysterious themes for which he is renowned."
Weak: "In this essay, I will give you lots of reasons why slot machines should not be legalized in Baltimore."
- Reasons for Weakness: This thesis is wordy, vague, and lacks a clear argument.
Revised Strong Thesis: "The legalization of slot machines in Baltimore should be resisted due to the potential negative consequences on public welfare, including increased addiction rates and social harm."
Strong: "Despite his promises during his campaign, President Kennedy took few executive measures to support civil rights legislation."
Weak: "Because many children’s toys have potential safety hazards that could lead to injury, it is clear that not all children’s toys are safe."
- Reasons for Weakness: This thesis is overly obvious and lacks depth.
Revised Strong Thesis: "The prevalence of safety hazards in children's toys underscores the need for stricter regulations and vigilant oversight in the toy manufacturing industry to ensure the well-being of young consumers."
Weak: "My experience with young children has taught me that I want to be a disciplinary parent because I believe that a child without discipline can be a parent’s worst nightmare."
- Reasons for Weakness: This thesis is overly personal and lacks a broader perspective.
Revised Strong Thesis: "The balance between discipline and nurturing in parenting is crucial, as it profoundly influences a child's development and behavior, contributing to the overall well-being of both the child and the family."