C h a p t e r2

Young Bull Elephants

Reclaiming spiritual family connections

W

hat happens to children who are left to their own resources and
are not provided with intimate family interaction and care? This
story describes a possible striking chain of events:

A nationally syndicated columnist with the Washington Post recently wrote about the plight of the white rhinoceros in Pilanesberg Park, a South African game preserve. At least 39 of these endangered rhinos had been found slaughtered in their native habitat, and it was assumed that poachers were the killers of the remarkable beasts. However, upon closer inspection it was discovered that all of the rhinos' valuable horns remained among the carcasses. In an effort to catch the killers, the game wardens decided to tranquilize some of the remaining animals to electronically tag and track them. Hidden video cameras were also set in strategic locations to record the evidence.

The game wardens were amazed to discover that young bull elephants were harassing the rhinos without provocation. Although unnatural for them, these teenaged elephants were chasing these white rhinos for long distances, throwing sticks at them and stomping them to death. Why were these elephants acting so violently? The answer would be found in a decision made 20 years earlier.

Because the Kruger National Park was unable to support a continuously increasing population of elephants, park officials had decided to transport some of them to the Pilanesberg Preserve. The elephants too large to transport were killed, including a significant number of mature bulls. As a result, the elephants that were guilty of killing the rhinos matured without the influence and presence of mature males. Park rangers and scientists discovered that without the older presence of mature bulls, these young male elephants were suffering from excessive testosterone and becoming increasingly violent.

To preserve the white rhino population, park officials killed five of the most aggressive young bull elephants while determining to find a suitable answer for this aberration of nature. Park rangers decided to import older bulls in order to view their influence on the remaining young males. The young bulls learned quickly that they were no match for the more mature elephants. The older bulls began to assume their place among the herd as fathers and disciplinarians.

The younger, aggressive bulls could no longer impose their unchallenged, immature bullying. Eventually the young bulls began following the older ones. It became apparent that they enjoyed these new relationships with the older, more mature males. The former lawbreakers yielded to the new discipline and returned to normal patterns of elephant behavior. There has not been a report of any dead rhinos since the arrival of the more mature elephants.

This is a parable of life in the church. The absence of mature leadership in the church results in similar consequences. When mature Christian men and women do not assume their responsibility, the younger, more energetic and yet immature ones take their places. These leaders are not equipped for the task that lies before them.

However, if we are faithful to fulfill God's call, He will use our faithfulness to help preserve the lives of many young men and women whom God has chosen to save, deliver, and train as leaders in His household. We have seen anointed and gifted young men and woman start their walk with the Lord only to fall along the wayside, trapped by the many snares of the enemy. God is calling spiritual mothers and fathers who will arise, enter the harvest, and live for those for whom the Lord has died.1

The story of the rhinos reminds me of a similar dilemma Eli faced in raising his sons. Eli was a priest and father in the house of the Lord, but I Samuel 2:12 records that Eli's sons were wicked men, having no regard for the Lord. Why? Eli was lax in his discipline and training of his sons, and they became rebellious. The Lord rebuked Eli for not training his sons in the ways of the Lord. Because of this, Eli lost his family. No one would grow old in his household.

God's intention of fatherhood

What is God's plan for His people? It is for them to be His "family.” Family is God's idea because He ordained and designed it: "I will be a Father to you, and you shall be My sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty” (II Corinthians 6:18). God is the Father of an entire great family which includes all those who name Jesus Christ as Lord.

Paul the apostle's affectionate prayer for his beloved Ephesians states, "For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named” (Ephesians 3:14). God is the Father from whom all fatherhood derives its meaning and inspiration. We have to understand His fatherhood--His love, forgiveness and acceptance--if we are to understand healthy family relationships.

Unfortunately, today's generation has a warped understanding of fatherhood because fathers have often abused their authority or have been absent, causing a breach of trust and security. With poor role models in the world, God's people, the church of Jesus Christ, must start to model an example of God's intention for family.

"The church must begin to understand its role as a parenting influence--as a holistic life-growth community,” says my friend Robert Stearns in his book Prepare the Way. "God will lead many men who have the father's heart to begin to mentor young men in their congregations...older women will take younger under their wings and impart love, nurture and wisdom. Strong families will reach out to single-parent homes and welcome ongoing interaction between the families, bringing strength and combating the overwhelming sense of 'aloneness.' We will move toward the joy that the early church exuded as they lived in fellowship with each other and the Lord.”2

No longer can we live independently of each other. God wants to restore fathering and mothering to the kingdom of God, and it starts with His promise to be a Father to us. But for believers to experience true spiritual family life, spiritual fathers and mothers must obey the Lord's call to spiritual parenting. Families need fathers and mothers who will assume their responsibility as spiritual parents.

A spiritual father is like a natural father

The importance of fathers in a family is to bring strength, stability and balance to the family. A natural father is meant to be a protector, counselor, and guide to his children. Natural children are envisioned to grow up secure in their father's love and guidance. If they lack a healthy father role model, these children cannot achieve their destiny. According to Dr. David Cannistraci, healthy fathering is essential to success at every level of society:

Sociologists are now confirming that fathers not only play an indispensable role in the home, but also in the nation. Many of the problems we face in America today--drugs, welfare, teenage pregnancy--are directly related to the absence of fathers throughout the past several decades.

Fatherlessness is the most destructive trend in our generation. The absence of fathers is linked to most social nightmares. Social scientists have made similar links between a father's absence and his child's likelihood of being a dropout, jobless, a drug addict, a suicide victim, mentally ill and a target of child sexual abuse.

The strength of a father provides tremendous protection for a family's future and ultimate destiny. Spiritual fatherlessness is a weakness in the body of Christ today; a great vacuum has been created by the scarcity of godly fathering. Like society, the church is plagued with problems. We need the same kind of discipline and accountability a natural father brings to a natural family. We need wisdom and maturity, a firm hand to guide us, balance to preserve us and experience to comfort us. Noted pastor and author Frank Damazio laments the current crisis of fatherlessness permeating the body of Christ. "Today young leaders search desperately for models they can imitate and look up to. Today's leaders live when heroes have flaws and fail and when dreams have died. When religious systems are corrupt and modern ministry does not offer a mentoring model, young leaders may end up following wrong models. Without spiritual fathers, the church cannot achieve its ultimate destiny.”3

The curse of deadbeat dads

Statistics today show a society with an alarming trend toward the deterioration of the family. Marriages are failing, parents are absent, and children are paying the emotional, financial, physical and spiritual consequences. The term for absentee dads who neglect their children is "deadbeat dads.” It is not a very flattering term, but when you think of vulnerable children without an involved father, it is an accurate portrayal. The family unit has been torn apart leaving the children unprotected and drifting.

A popular view some years ago was that external forces like street crime, bad schools and economic stress were the culprits of the crisis in family life. Today's critics challenge this view. The revised thinking is that it is the breakdown of families that feeds social ills. A U.S. News and World Report feature article laments the damage done when selfish parents divorce and children are left to cope: "Nearly 2 of every 5 kids in America do not live with their fathers” the article reads. "Fatherlessness is the most destructive trend of our generation.”4 It went on to show the great need for reconnecting dads to their children.

Ken Canfield says it this way,

"The psalmist cursed the evil households with fatherlessness (Psalm 109:9) because in the ancient Near East the father provided protection from the world. While many voices are crying out that we need more government to protect our families, the church is responding to a different voice--the voice of a Father. God has revealed Himself as our Father, and He is calling fathers within the church to follow His example. In this age of fatherlessness, that call to 'restore the hearts of the fathers to their children' has never been more urgent.”5

Restoring a sense of responsibility

If the hearts of fathers are not restored to their children, both naturally and spiritually, the second part of the scripture in Malachi 4:6 says the Lord will "strike the earth with a curse.”When relationships between the generations are estranged, they become cursed.

God's heart is to take a generation that has been cursed by a breakdown of family relationships and rebuild trust. Jesus came to restore broken relationships: the relationship between God and man and the relationship between fathers and sons. This family connection was a means for blessing and restoration between the generations.

We also have to break the curse that has persisted between spiritual fathers and their estranged spiritual children. Church leaders have often been so busy with their programs and committees that they have no time to train spiritual children to become future spiritual parents themselves. This is a blight on the church, stunting future generations of leaders.

God is calling us to become spiritual parents to prepare the next generation for spiritual parenthood so He can restore a sense of responsibility of spiritual fathers and mothers toward their children.

The promise to connect fathers to children

Our God wants to convict fathers, who were once irresponsible and caught up in their own agendas, of their neglect. He alone is the one who can repair the damage and reconnect dads and moms to their lonely children. The Lord wants to restore relationships between the young and the old so that a powerful spiritual legacy can persevere and proliferate. He wants to provide relationships where spiritual fathers and mothers contribute a sense of protection to their spiritual children so that they can mature in their Christian lives.

As parents, we want to give our children a sense of protection from the madness around them. We want them to know that however terrible the world becomes, they can find comfort and shelter in a God who cares deeply about families. He has revealed Himself as our Father, and He is calling spiritual fathers to stand up and follow His example.

There are countless examples and models of spiritual parenting in the scriptures. Jesus modeled spiritual fatherhood to His twelve disciples. Paul discipled young Timothy.Elijah became a spiritual parent to Elisha. Moses trained Joshua to take his place to lead the children of Israel into the Promised Land. These types of one-on-one mentoring relationships produced a rich legacy and impartation to future generations. We need this kind of connection and impartation.

Research shows that children learn best from observing and imitating behavior that is "modeled.”A father models acceptable behavior for his children. He leads rather than drives them. Modern sheep-herders often drive the flock with the help of dogs, but the shepherd of ancient Israel walked ahead, and the sheep followed him. God has revealed Himself to us as a Father and He is calling fathers to follow His example. Spiritual parents are expected to model Christ-like behavior and attitudes, and their children will follow after.

Family connection in the Old and New Testaments

In the Old Testament, God's people consisted of twelve tribes and a multitude of clans and families, known corporately as the children of Israel. Through this family connection, God displayed the importance of generational inheritance which is passed from father to son. Receiving this inheritance depended on the flow of blessing from generation to generation.

The Lord continued to see His church in the New Testament as composed of believers in spiritual families. The early church knew the importance of the family connection. The scriptures tell us that God's people gathered at the temple and met in small groups in homes to minister to each other. "So continuing daily with one accord in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, they ate their food with gladness and simplicity of heart, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to the church daily those who were being saved” (Acts 2:46-47).

The early church modeled spiritual parenting by not only meeting in the temple, but also "house to house” so they could experience spiritual family life to its fullest. The assemblies were vibrant and alive. The believers had a deep love for each other. Joyfulness and generosity were the outstanding characteristics of these early believers. They sold their possessions to provide for the needs of others. They remained steadfast in the apostle's teachings, learned to pray with results, rejoiced when persecuted, and were willing to die for their faith. They were held in high honor by others who observed their life-style.

Relationships are the key

Relationships were the key to the kingdom of God in the early church. In these house fellowship groups, spiritual families were raised. Through small groups meeting in homes, the members were nurtured, equipped to serve, and could easily use their spiritual gifts to build each other up to become like Christ. They met together with joy and love for each other, and new people were continually added to the church family. Who wouldn't want this?

This kind of New Testament church life, where people were in relationship with each other and their God, is a model we need to imitate. Healthy families have parents who take their God-given responsibility as fathers and mothers to their children very seriously.John, the apostle, challenges the early believers to: "practice loving each other, for love comes from God and those who are loving and kind show that they are children of God, and they are getting to know him better” (I John 4:7 TLB). Living in close relationships with others reflects that we understand and appreciate the importance of New Testament living.

A modern-day phenomenon

An amazing thing is happening across the earth today. Hundreds of thousands of small "cell groups” of believers are forming all across the globe. God's people from nearly every denomination and movement are again returning to the reality of New Testament church life as they meet from house to house during the week for prayer, fellowship, to pray for the lost, to support one another, and to experience true spiritual family relationships. And amazingly enough, this small group phenomenon is springing up in all types of churches in nearly every nation of the world. As people tire of traditional church programs, God is calling His church back to the simplicity of spiritual family life.

Last year I met Sam, an airline pilot, and his wife Janice in a city in the Pacific Northwest. Sam grew up with a religious background but had been turned off by the church. When his neighbor, Duane, invited him to attend their small group meeting in their home, Sam at first declined the invitation. He wanted nothing to do with Christianity. The Christians he knew were hypocrites and self-righteous. The Christianity he saw was all rules and regulations.

But Duane and the guys from the group persisted in reaching out to Sam. When they saw he was adding a room to his house, they offered to help. Sometime during hammering nails and laying down carpeting, Sam's perception of Christians started to change for the better. These guys were real. They didn't spout a lot of overdone Christian cliches. They admitted their weaknesses and clearly "walked their talk.”

Eventually, Sam and Janice both gave their lives to the Lord. The men and women in the small group next door became their spiritual parents. As Sam gave up his bad habits one at a time, the men never condemned him, but supported him as a family should. Today, Sam and Janice lead their own small group of believers. They are now spiritual parents to others.

Built together as "living stones”

The church of Jesus Christ is built through relationships. I Peter 2:5 says we are living building-stones for God's use in building His house: "You also, as living stones, are being built up a spiritual house....” We, as redeemed people in whom God now resides, are "living stones.” We are being built together in relationship into a spiritual house. We are meant to be held together by these God-ordained relationships. Without them, we soon fall apart and lay as useless rubble on the ground.

Sadly, today there are many living stones lying useless on a pile. Many Christians, instead of being vibrantly attached to other believers in God-ordained family-type relationships, are haphazardly thrown on a heap as they assemble once a week to hear a sermon and sing some songs and then leave without any real interaction. Instead of being the family God has called them to be, they come together every Sunday morning in a large non-relational gathering. Rather than experiencing a true spiritual family, they only experience a weekly reunion.

Family life or weekly reunion?

There's a huge difference between vibrant family life and an extended family getting together for a reunion. When family comes together for a reunion, they present their best side to the larger family. They swap stories and testimonies of their family's accomplishments and celebrate its success. They tell about the fantastic goal Jeremy made on the soccer team and that Meagan is an honor student. But much of this is superficial.

Real family know the struggles because they are there day after day. They know that Jeremy worked long and hard to reach his present caliber of soccer play and had a major setback when he broke his leg. They know Meagan had to overcome a learning disability, and it took diligent study to attain the distinction of becoming an honor student.

Real family knows each other inside out. They see the good, the bad, and the ugly, and they still love each other and work as a unit to encourage each member. We can be ourselves in a family. There is no test to pass; we are included simply because we are family. In a spiritual family the struggles and realities are readily shared in transparent relationships--a small group interaction--with spiritual parents to guide us.

So how large should these spiritual families be? My wife LaVerne's mother came from a family of nineteen children. My father came from a family of fourteen children. LaVerne and I have only four children. There is no set rule, but true spiritual family life can best be experienced within the context of a small group of people. Jesus had twelve disciples. Moses took the advice of his father-in-law and divided the children of Israel into groups of ten. I believe that ten to twelve adults is often the limit for a spiritual family to be most effective. After there are more than twelve in a small group, it is easy to slip into the mode of having a nice meeting or reunion without experiencing the reality and blessing of honest, open relationships.

Discover family in connected relationships

Regardless of the size, it is essential for God's family to be authentic. God's family needs to be involved with each other in the nitty-gritty of life, building one another up. Trust is built through this involvement, and as a result spiritual fathering and mothering can be released.

With a growing dissatisfaction of simply attending church meetings and activities, people are looking for genuine relationships. They are looking for family-type relationships--where there is no need to impress or adopt "better-than-thou” attitudes. They want to be a part of a family where there is no superficiality. They are weary of systems that become stagnant and are simply not working.

The Lord rebukes His children in Jeremiah 2:13 for abandoning Him, the Fountain of Life-giving Water, and building faulty cisterns which the water leaked through! A cistern was used for storing rainwater and so the quantity was limited. Often the water became stale or stagnant or leaked away.

Many church systems today are stagnant and limited. A pastor is paid to do the work of ministry; the people get their money's worth--good sermons and great programs. Too often, the pastor gets bored,burns out, or moves to another church, and the people never obtain the opportunity to fulfill their calling in Christ to become equipped, empowered by His Spirit, and released as ministers themselves. They never get the chance to become fathers. We must change our focus from programs and a spectator mentality to empowering and fathering people in spiritual family settings.

Turn loose the fathers and mothers in the Lord!

If we don't change our focus, the church will continue to overflow with "emotional and spiritual orphans,” according to Floyd McClungin his book The Father Heart of God:

So many people are orphaned, not just from their physical parents, but from any kind of healthy spiritual or emotional heritage. The church is also filled with spiritual orphans. Either they have accepted Jesus Christ but have not been nurtured in their faith, or because of some failure on their own or someone else's part they have not yet become a part of a spiritual family. These people desperately need pastoral care. They need to be taught God's Word, to be counseled with sound biblical principles, and to be encouraged and exhorted by someone mature in the faith. They need a spiritual father or mother who can help them grow in the Lord.

Others need to be "reparented”--that is, given the kind of example that only a wise, stable mother or father figure can provide. If proper parenting was missing during a person's developmental years, whether physically or spiritually or both, he or she needs someone to provide an example.

Being a father or mother in the Lord is not limited to those who are pastors or spiritual leaders. There is also a very crucial need for other spiritually mature, caring people to act as "fathers” and "mothers” to other believers.

By their very presence, they minister to those around them because of their maturity and depth in God. We need to turn loose these "moms and dads” in the church to be who they are. By being available, having time for people, and having an open home, their lives can be instruments of healing and love.6

The God of families wants us to be strengthened and rooted and grounded in love. He wants His family (the body of Christ) to connect together in the intimate ways in which a family interacts. We need the connection and individual care in the form of fathering/mothering mentoring relationships, or we will be left as spiritual orphans.

Just as natural families spend time with both their immediate family members and also extended family, the New Testament church met both in the temple and from house to house (Acts 20:20).As the church meets both in the more intimate small group settings (sometimes called cell groups) and larger "reunion” settings of celebrations or Sunday morning services, the pattern of reunions and small spiritual families sets the stage for the development of spiritual parenting relationships.

In the next chapter, we will discover how spiritual children grow and develop from babies, into young men (women), and finally, fathers (mothers) themselves.

Notes

1 Robin McMillan, "In a Father's Absence,” The Morning Star Journal, (Vol. 9 No. 4).

2 Robert Stearns, Prepare the Way, (Lake Mary, Florida: Creation House, 1999), p. 101-102.

3 Dr. David Cannistraci, The Gift of Apostle, (Ventura, California: Regal Books, 1996), p. 116-117.

4 Joseph P. Shapiro, Joanne M. Schrof, "Honor Thy Children,” U.S. News & World Report, (February 27, 1995).

5 Ken R. Canfield, "Safe in a Father's Love,” Charisma, June 1991.

6 Floyd McClung, The Father Heart of God, (Eugene, Oregon: Harvest House Publishers, 1985), pp. 127-129.

Last modified: Thursday, August 9, 2018, 1:03 PM