Steve - Alright, we're back. This is actually the next day. As I was reflecting on what we talked  about yesterday, remember, he just watch the video. Hopefully you're watching this one right  away, but you had a friend, you're trying to mend some, you know, differences that you've  had. And we talked about that. And then you came up with a solution. And you actually had a  two part solution. You remember what that was? Fresh.  

Abby - So first, I tried to send that package to her asking her in that way. Oh, it's just no  problem.  

Steve - Hello, Hello, can you hear me now? Sound good?  

Abby - Hello, check. 123. Okay, great.  

Steve - All right, welcome back. Again, we're the same three people, we were young, this is  actually the next day. And I have different clothes. Like, as I reflected last night on what we  did together, a couple of things came to mind that I wanted to draw your attention to. So we  were talking about a friend of yours that you had, you know, falling out, and then you had a  plan. And it was sort of a simple plan, but you really had two parts to it, maybe you can  refresh everyone on what your plan was? Yeah.  

Abby - So the two parts is the first part would be to send that package, you know, asking for  her to be a bridesmaid for to show my loved ones, I care for her. And if I get no response from  that, then I will go ahead and send a text being like, Hey, I sent you package. Whatever day  today, if it's today, if I'm hoping to do it today, and you haven't responded to me, so I'm  hoping you got it, okay, just want to set you know, something like that follow up kind of text.  

Steve - So what, so as you're trying to help someone deal with a problem or a situation, and  you're pushing towards a plan of action, you know, you had a general idea, I have to do  something to sort of mend this thing, it's going to be up to me to try to figure out what to do.  That was kind of a general thing. So that's the decision to do something about it. The second  part is the plan. And the plan can be just a simple one thing, I'm going to do this one thing,  and then okay, you know, we agree and you go and do it. But a lot of times the plan is more  involved. Sometimes it has three or four or five steps. Yours actually is, you know, if this, if  that, you know, if this doesn't work, then I'm going to go to the next day. In fact, we could  keep going. If you send a package, and you get no response. And then you send the email  and you get no response, then what's the third thing that you might do?  

Abby - Right, show up at her door, I don't know.  

Steve - you don't have to, you know, like, you could try to figure that out now. Or you just say, you know, I don't want to worry about that. Yeah, and I'll put all this effort into a third step  when I don't even really need it, right. And I'm not sure how I'm going to feel after those first  two steps. So I can't right now figure out what that is. So a lot of times the plan, sometimes  the plan has a whole step thing, you're going to do this, you know, your plan to get your  degree in Christian leaders Institute, you could probably plan the whole thing out what  courses you're going to take. Or someone else might go, you know, I just want to start with  one class. I want to see how that goes. And then from there, I'll decide what I'm going to do.  So as a coach, I don't want to push you one way or the other. I don't want to make you come  up with a full plan. Or you feel like Am I a planner? Or am I stuck? Yeah, like maybe you need  to have it all figured out. Or you don't feel good about it. And you're worried about you  thinking about it? Or you the kind of person that you know, I like to just see what happens.  And so then it's as a coach, I don't want to push my personality. My personality is more like  what you did. Just see what happens and then go from there. But I don't want to push my  right how I do things on you because you're not me, you might want it all glammed up. So  that's that's one thing. The second thing that I didn't take note of is, remember we were you 

were looking at sending an email or doing the package. And then Henry, you said Well, how  about both and? And then we had this discussion about how, you know if we talked long  enough, you probably would have figured that out or that might have been one of the  solutions that you came up with, and how that's better to do something like that. But then  you had said when he, I forget, we were saying something about that. And you right away  said, Oh, but that was very helpful. Okay, and then I, I glossed right over that didn't say  anything. And but that brings up a really good point, that sometimes the advice of other  people is really helpful. It is some proverb, I forget what it is that something is good with  many counts. Yes. You can deep wells, many different Council war get many. Yeah. And I'm  sure that many of you have discovered when you have a problem talking to other people can  often be very helpful. So in a coaching situation, though, you know, it's not like you never give advice. But it's more advantageous to suggest, are there people in your life, and that's one of  the models that I talked about when you're making a plan is, is this a plan that maybe  involves other people? Like, that's an option, you can try to figure out this on your own? Or  you can maybe get other people involved in this planning process. So you know, so yesterday, we might have suggested, well, is there anyone else in your life that you think, would  understand what you're going through here and might give you some counsel as to what you  need to do? And then you might say, you know, there are a few people, okay, so that what  you'd like to do? So instead of making a decision to send the basket and the email yesterday,  we might have just come up with the first step is to talk to these two people? What, when are  you going to talk with them? How are you going to do that? And then when are we going to  meet again, those would all be part of that discussion. Right? Then you would see what's good about that. You can ask us, right here, we can mean the people that you trust, and you get  asked. But if I the counselor become the one that you're always asking my life coach, a life  coach, and I'm always the one giving you the advice, and you're always asking him the advice of me, then I become that role for you  

Abby - i almostbecome dependent on like, you have an answer.  

Steve - Whereas you dependent on asking people in your life for advice is a good thing. I  mean, for the rest of your life.  

Abby - Build relationships with them.  

Steve - Yeah, and those people are always going to be life coaches in your life, whereas I the  life coach am not, I mean, the goal of the life coach, ultimately is to help you to end up life  coaching yourself, and then really becoming a life coach for others. So the less I become that  answer advisor type person, and then you have plenty of other people in your life, that are  just as smart, that can help you. So that was the only thing I wanted to really bring up that.  Number one, the plan can be simple, it can be sequential. There's a lot of different models,  we talked about that in the course different ways that you can come up with a plan, and you  came up with a plan that, you know, if this, then I go to this. If not, then I don't deal with that.  If neither one works, then I'm going to deal with it then. And that's it, you know, so you have  all the bases covered with your plan, you can go confidently and do what you're going to do.  You don't have to lose any sleep over it. You know, or you can come up with a different plan.  And then the second thing is getting advice from others. That's another way to make up a  plan.  

Henry - I have a question, listening to this conversation. Now you've had a day to think about  this in a real life situation. Again, man, thanks. I'm gonna go back into the role of life coaching a little bit here based on some of these questions. And I'm wondering, Steve, as, as people  come back to do, is there a time to review, you know, so this all go back? So now you thought about what you decided to do last time? Is that something you're still interested in pursuing? 

Abby - Yeah, definitely. Well, I have my almost like, freak out and just tried calling her and plan about that plan, because I really did think about all aspects when we were talking. And so that was the plan that I felt like I had everything considered rather than just what I was feeling in  the moment last night like, yeah. So but I think again, what's hard to back is I have to actually go to the store, I have to actually do a lot more than with the phone. No, I do feel good about  that plan. And I think I'll have the opportunity to be going past your house today. So today  may be a very good day. I need to get that.  

Steve - That's an excellent observation. And I think this is really helpful. Because that's the  real thing, right? We make our plans in an office and we feel a certain way. And then when  we're on our own, and that's what a coach is gonna have to deal with. Right? Here, it's all  controlled and as a situation, but then they go out and live life. Right? That's unpredictable.  The coach, let's say you had done, right has blown up. See, I have to be, you know, this is  what you did. Right? This is okay, what do we want to do? I'm still trying to be the helpful  person, if I become the, the mother that doesn't like what the daughter did person, right? I'm  the judge. And now our relationship.  

Abby - Now I don't want to talk about it anymore, figure it out  

Henry - so what happens if she would have just done her and just impulse and called her up  and it didn't blow up in her face?  

Steve - Well, how do you feel about that? What did you learn from that?  Abby - It's almost like you have to restart.  

Henry - What it is, let's talk about the new decision you need to make?  

Steve - Well, you have to understand it long enough. She needs to, she needs to talk about it.  Okay, look at all,  

Abby - I'm sure what has been said that I would need  

Steve - new stuff to deal with now, ultimately, after a lot of listening and caring and what  have you. Yeah, that's a bummer. That's hard. That's great. I understand why you did? It  makes sense. Right? Right. You're not condemning.  

Henry - So we just go back to our little thing, then, you know, what action steps? What do you want to do in the light of this new situation? I see. Because we have to do something, right. Or you have to do something regarding  

Abby - not doing something choosing a route. Right?  

Steve - So are you gonna try again, are you gonna just say, you know, I'm just leaving this for  three months? I'm gonna get married.  

Henry - After the honeymoon, we'll visit it again. I have a question for you. While we're on to  this discussion, we didn't cover this yesterday. But in this particular case, with these basic  models, the brainstorm the prioritize the commitment models. So in given this situation, what  if the discussion kept going and we had more time and we want to talk about that? Would as a life coach, would I go to each of the models, whereas the hey, let's brainstorm a little bit,  what I call it named as brainstorming.  

Steve - If, let's say in the beginning, we said, where in your life do you need a life coach,  where might there be some trouble or where it might be an area that you want to go to the 

next level? And she's right, to get anything? Then those models are just ways. Okay? How  about, I give you some areas of life, that the areas of life model, let's think about hobbies,  work, family, friends, any of those jump out to you or, seven connections, your relationship to  God, marriage, family, church? Or dreams? Do you have a dream that you have always had?  But have never, you know, you might just mention a few and then see is throwing a little mud on the wall? Where does any of that strike you? Right? Maybe it just gives them because your  your mind is blank in the whole of their whole life in front of yours, right? I don't know where  you would start. Right? But you I mean, you had some things that we didn't have to do that.  And that's best. When people have something on their heart, and they weren't dealing with it, find a solution. You don't need any models. You don't need any examples of anything because  they have something already, right?  

Henry - Well, I'm I think you're very open. But there are some people who they just, they can't think of anything.  

Steve - And remember remembering the prerequisites. We talked about some things and if  they didn't have a connection to God, or they didn't have a connection to church, then you  know, at some point, this is something you might just bring up. You know, remember when we started out there was the prerequisites and one of the models, seven connections, just  various to think about how about church, Have you thought about church, so you might  actually bring it to the table. Now, whether they bite out, right? It's up to them?  

Henry - What if it becomes obvious that Abby is the problem? So she's come she's asked for  coaching and becomes it maybe? Maybe that's a little judgmental? I don't know. But it  becomes a like, what happened? Abby has been somehow abusing that friendship. Her friend  probably feels like you know, so now that we have to speak a little truth here or or maybe or  good or minister? We love our presser or, you know, I mean, we  

Steve - I have found that if you listen long enough to people, they, they figure it out, they  figure out that they're part of the problem. If you listen long enough and keep asking  questions, could there be another reason? Is there a block to this? And you just ask a million  questions that get them thinking about every angle. Is there a part maybe that you're playing  in this? Right? If I tell her, Look, I think you're being really unkind to her and so on. Going over well, now I stepped into the judge role, I'm no longer the advocate trying to help. You know,  you're the advocate for Christian leaders, students, if you all of a sudden become the judge,  that's kicking people out of the school that you're not the advocate anymore. We want to  make sure that you're hearing the advocate,  

Henry - that does a really good thing, because we do have staff meetings, like Isn't that so?  We have, you know, we have the academic department, and we have various departments  come together. And occasionally an issue comes up. Not very often, but you are amazing  students. And graduates is funny sometimes, like Abby will take on the advocate role, and she doesn't leave the role. And then the people who are more of the Justice people because  there's a school are like fighting and she's advocating and but if she all of a sudden left the  role.  

Steve - Yes, he then we don't trust her advocate. Right.  

Abby - A little bit too fake.  

Steve - Yeah, right. Right. Right. So that the problem was the coach don't want a life coach.  Now if she's, you know, someone's gonna get hurt or harmed. But again, you you do it in the  gentlest way. Right, here's the verse, What do you think it means that we're applies to this  situation? You know, as much as you can let them figure it out? Is there any role? Is there any  way that you think you might be contributing, I'm not saying you are, I'm just asking like 20 

questions to look at every angle? And I'm not if they get the hint that I'm leading them and  pushing them and, you know, you really are the problem and I'm just saying in a passive  aggressive way, then where I become the judge now, they don't trust what I'm saying. They  don't trust my questions. So you can't, you know, you just can't fix people. You know, that  quickly.Or a situation or Yeah, and  

Abby - I think it's so important that people then would take ownership for their actions  because if you tell me I'm the problem, I won't believe it unless I myself, Oh, I am the  problem.  

Steve - Yes. You come up with it. You're more likely to do something about it. If I tell you it just  doesn't. Doesn't work.

Last modified: Tuesday, February 22, 2022, 1:06 PM