I remember when I was first was a pastor and my wife was nervous, because she was like, what is expected of me? My gifts are not like your gifts. I'm Miss extrovert. She's an introvert. She's more quiet in the background. And I'm more out there. And everyone knows the stories of pastor's her wife expectations, spouse expectations. So what are the key expectations? What, let's first of all talk about what the expectations are not. A pastor wife does not have to be the piano player, the Bible Study leader of women, the woman's problem solver, the peacemaker, who is behind the scenes sweet and nice to everyone, necessarily, in all cases, the social director, the pastor's wife, can be a woman of God, who is there to support the pastor in their marriage. In child raising, a pastor's wife is not a second person for the price of one. Let's talk about the expectations of a pastor's wife. The key ones are the expectation of all women to be godly women to walk to character to support her husband in their marriage, and yet, still in the local church, utilizing her gifts, in a non political and non divisive way. And I'll just add that little bit at the end in the non political or non divisive way. When a pastor wife uses her gifts, and she's doing things in a local church, what can sometimes happen is that people, they have a certain opinion or they want to go into a certain direction. And while she's involved with something, whether she's in charge of it, or whether she is participating in this activity, people will sometimes try to get to the pastor through the pastor's wife. Now what the pastor's wife has to be aware of is that these things will in fact happen. And she is aware of that and she might listen. But she smiles and graciously said oh, okay, thank you for your input. Because she's the people sort of expect that if they tell the pastor wife something that will in fact, get to the pastor, and people do it all the time. But the pastor's wife can be non political or non divisive, by not making any promises or not even promising that the pastor is going to know about it or that, that she can do anything to change the direction. Like for instance, a pastor's wife response might be, oh, okay, wow. So I understand your opinion. That's interesting for my husband and the elders and the deacons, whatever the political structure in your churches, that's something they'll have to consider. Sort of almost aloof, too. I agree with you, Sam. I'm going to talk to my husband and make some changes around here. You see, that's the type of stuff that creates divisive culture in a local church via the pastor's wife. So instead, just have a godly expectations of walking with God, character support of the family of the pastor while still utilizing her gifts in a local church. 

You know, we see a normative pattern in Acts 21:5. But when our time was up, we'd love and continue on our way. All the disciples, their wives and children accompany us out of the city, and they're on the beach, we know the pray and what I mean is a normal pattern is a pastor. It's good, they're married. It's good that a pastor has children. It's good that a pastor and the elders have that normative pattern. Now, does it mean that singleness is wrong? Or it's like no, no, no, no. All I'm saying is, is a good thing to have family culture and then a wife can be a wife and love her husband, who is a pastor and utilize her gifts and have children in some be supportive, without having these expectations laid upon her. 


Here's some suggestions. First, despite what I've just said, the reality is,  there a times will be all sorts of unspoken expectations, and a pastor's wife who We'll feel that at many times, so here are some suggestions, connect with other pastors wives, but positive ones, if apart, if your wife of a pastor's wife or, you know, connects with other pastors in a local town or any denomination or someplace else, and this pastor's wife is bitter and negative, that can really bring a pastor's wife down. So positive ones. Keep Your Home discipleship, fire alive with your husband. You know, be part of opening the word be part of sharing with the children, you know, the walk of God, be on team with what he's attempting to do in his home. So that if the home wins, the church will win even more. The pastor wife, you know, in my way of thinking, that home peace, if she's going to be part of any politics of anything, it's the home, that if something's wrong in the home, she brings it right to the attention of her husband, the pastor. Keep your relationship fire alive. Have a good relationship. You know, if the pastor struggles at home with you, and you fight and argue and bicker or your intimacy is poor and the marriage bed is weaken, not exist at all these things are negative in the work of the church. But that's a general expectation of all Christian wives. So you keep your relationship, the bedroom, the family and discipleship. Maybe find some support but other positive wives. You know, I found a really good article by a pastor's wife, Paula Hendricks at www. true woman .com (https://www.reviveourhearts.com/true-woman/blog/words-of-wisdom-to-a-wannabe-pastors-wife/

). Article 7:32 that I thought was just excellent suggestions. And the title of this article was words of wisdom to one of the pastor's wife. One is, watch out for him. You know him, you have his best interests in mind if he's if he's overworking himself lovingly bring it to his attention. Try to find ways to lighten his load. Occasionally, there may be seasons where there's no way around the busyness of church during those times. Be his Fun Zone. Be the place where he can relax, and not have to fix problems. Secondly, give your husband helpful and honest feedback. When he asked for advice. Try not to shoot off the cuff but take it seriously. Take time to think through your opinions carefully to be sure they are wise and accurate. Threes stand with him when times are tough, even when you disagree with him. For instance, respect him, both publicly and privately. Pray that God will give him wisdom in making decisions. Do not forget the seriousness of his call. He is bringing the Gospel to the church each week. Number four, never gossip as a pastor's wife. You will be privy to many personal items, much personal information. Keep it to yourself. Let this knowledge drive you to pray in I want to add a little not to internalize I'm just going to add that little point to that is is you don't have to take the problems of the world on yourself when you pray. But it's a privilege to have the trust of people end up in the position to help them must guard we must guard that trust. And the another suggestion is grow a thick skin. A pastor almost never gets 100% approval rating from the church maybe in the first month. But there will be criticisms try not to take every conflict too seriously. Keep a sense of humor. I realize this is easier said than done. But Jesus will help you when we ask so that thick skin is absolutely important as a pastor's wife. Be careful when you read. Be careful what you read concerning being a pastor's wife. There are a lot of negative statistics and studies telling you all heart it can be. This is really not helpful and useful information. Read the people who are positive and offer help get through the tough stuff. Those are excellent ideas on being a godly pastor's wife.


Finally, really it comes down to what really is the expectation. I'm just gonna sum it all up with 1 Timothy 3:11, in the same way their wives are to be woman worthy of respect, not malicious talkers, but temporary, and trustworthy in everything, as a pastor's wife, just be a woman of God. Be there for him. You do not have to be anything and everything and you don't have to walk on water. You don't have to, like worry about that, this whole ministry depends on how involved you are. Be a person with joy, who loves her husband loves her children, utilizes her gifts in a church in a balanced and an appropriate way, staying out of conflict and politics and divisiveness. And if there's something inside of you that's really hurting. Maybe you need some counseling, you know, maybe see another godly pastor's wife or even a counselor. You know, I would recommend it's not good to like your air, your dirty laundry, even at your local church. And I know that there's the garden variety stuff if you're struggling, but in general, understand that, that you are looked at like in a fishbowl, but that does not have to blow you away or blow you apart. Instead, you can receive this opportunity in calling with joy. Now in a lot of ways this presentation, I started gave to you the pastor's wife and this class might be taken by someone who is going about activity and you're really not a pastor's wife. You're that future pastor here. And I kind of addressed you as a viewer, the pastoring. The reason I did that is heve you wife. If you're married, watch this presentation. take the heart the fact that to be a godly woman is what God asks her to be


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Last modified: Thursday, December 15, 2022, 9:59 AM