Video Transcript: Real Life Example 1

Hi, my name is Steve Elzinga. And this is the Life Coaching class. It's the badge, pre marriage. And we happen to have a couple here that is actually getting  married in how 43 days, 43 days, they both happen to work here at CLI. Maybe  you recognize, you know, Abby from the revival news. I don't know, Mitch,  sometimes you appear. And then I'll make my way. So, so 43 days, that's not  long. But it's perfect timing for this class. So we're actually going to do this pre  marriage thing. You took the other class where I went through all the different  topics and so on. But now you're going to actually see it live. And you guys really don't know what it is at a time, so we're not acting, we're not pretending. So this  is a real thing. So a way that you might start, and by the way, we're going  through this little book that you, you can either download, or you can order one  from Christian Leaders Institute. But before we get started, I want to go over  some ground rules with you. So if you go to page eight Yes, ground rules before  we get started. So ground rule number one, go through this study as a couple or as a group. Sometimes you could do this with a group of couples without being  negative of one another. This is not a gripe session, but it's instead and an  encouragement time. Ephesians 4:29, do not let any unwholesome talk come  out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to  their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. It's sort of a strange  phenomena I wrote. I wrote here couples when finally working on their potential  marriage, often instead of approaching the time together with humility, and a  cooperative spirit, decide it's time. It's a time of criticizing and complaining. The  goal of this study is to do encourage a better marriage. Let the study do its work. You do not have to fix your potential mate. Just be honest and humble about  your own role in your relationship. So Mitch, why don't you read number two see the negatives in your fiance as an opportunity to love him or her. I'm going to  read Romans 15:1-2. We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the  weak and not to please ourselves, each of us should please our neighbors for  their good to build them up. Sure you love your fiancee Of course, that is why  you are engaged. But if you but if you only love your fiancee because of the  things you love about him or her what kind of love is that. Love what is worth  anything. Love when it is hard to love every weakness in your fiance is an  opportunity to show your fiancee unconditional love. Build on your relationship  and take your love for each other to the next level. Romans 15:5-7, may the God who gives endurance and encouragement gives you the same attitude of mind  towards each other that Christ Jesus had. So that with one mind and one voice  you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Accept one other  then just as Christ accepted you in order to bring praise to God. Here is the  recipe for a disastrous unhappy courtship and a potential marriage. Keep trying  to change your potential mate. keep harping on their faults. Never give up on  your idea of the perfect marriage partner. Here is the recipe for a satisfying and  happy courtship and potential marriage accept the limitations of your fiance 

knowing that your spouse must do the same. All right, number four, when  necessary, forgive each other Colossians 3:13. Bear with each other and forgive one another. If any of you has a grievance against someone forgive as the Lord  forgave you. Your fiance has hurt you. In the past, perhaps words were said that were at best unfair and at first untrue. Perhaps each one has taken the other for  granted. Maybe there was unfaithfulness and spirit or even in reality, forgive  forgive. Do it before you go any farther farther further in this study. If you can't  forgive, ask God to help you forgive with the same power that he uses to forgive  you. Try number five. Be gracious, be cautious about a critical attitude.  Ephesians 4:2 be completely humble and gentle, be patient bearing with one  another in love. You may think you have a unique gift of seeing the problem and  in other people and especially in your fiance but the truth is everyone is good at  seeing the problems in others. No one likes a critic No one wants their faults  pointed out, a person is more likely to take a more critical look at themselves in  an environment of acceptance and love. Why not give each other that kind of  environment during this study? There were six go all in to make your marriage  better get out of your comfort zone. Song Song of Songs 7:11-12 Come my love  let us go out to the fields and spend the night among the wildflowers. Let's get  up early and go to the vineyards to see if the grape vines have budded. If the  blossoms will open and if the pomegranate blooms there, I will give you my love. You can stay safe. Not share much give only safe answers during the study. But  if you do the chances are your relationship will be no different than before you  did this study and what is the point of that, go for it, take a few chances open up  and be vulnerable. Number seven resist giving advice to others at this Bible  study. So especially if you're doing it as a group, we're going to do it just  individually but if you were doing it as a Bible study, a lot of times people will you know one couple will share with someone who will be vulnerable and say  something and then all of a sudden three couples will want to fix them and help  them and and all of a sudden they become the counselor and then when in that  may be appreciated or not appreciated. But what happens is, other people will  see what happens when you open up. If I open up I'm gonna have a herd of  people trying to fix me. They won't want to open up so resist giving advice.  James 1:19 Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters, you must all be quick to listen and slow to speak. Alright, number eight, I'll do that one. Resist teaching others about barriers. So this is kind of that same thing. If this is a retreat, you  know people will want to fix each other Ecclesiastes 5:3 Too much activity gives  you restless dreams. Too many words make you a fool. Some people cannot  help but assume that they are the teacher in social situations. But chances are  the couple is doing the study are not doing the study to learn from you. Let the  study do the teaching. How do you know when you're sharing is becoming  teaching when you find yourself responding to almost anything anyone else has  to say. So those are kind of the ground rules. I was just kind of go over what the 

theme of this whole study is. This theme The theme is connected. The goal of  this time together is to help couples connect to each other and to God. Genesis  1:27, God created human beings in His own image in the image of God he  created them male and female he created them. So we're created in the image  of the Triune God, Genesis 2:22, or 2:22-25 Then the Lord God made a woman  from the Rib he had taken from the man and he brought her to the man and the  man said This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh she shall be called woman for she was taken out of man. That is why a man leaves his father and  mother in his united to his wife and they become one flesh. Adam and his wife  were both naked and they felt no shame. So what we're going to do we have  there's two parts to this study. Part one is the seven connections of marriage.  When you get married, you're connected in these seven ways, permanently,  playfully, socially, verbally, spiritually, physically and purposefully. So we'll go  through each one of those. Then part two, the wedding. Ther's the Vows.  There's the ceremony. There's the rehearsal, There's the reception, so we'll be  looking at that. So this is just sort of an introductory thing. When we come back  we'll dive into our first topic.