Video Transcript: The Skill of Judgement

All right, taking control of your parenting, we're looking at giving kids good  judgment, probably one of the most needed skills that children need today,  especially today. Judgment is knowing right from wrong. Judgment is knowing  good from bad. So our kids or our kids are constantly being bombarded with  Patterns of Life, ways of living, and how do they know what is good? And what is not? How do they know what is right? And what is not right? That there are a lot  of forces a lot of marketing in this world, pushing our kids in this direction or that  direction And how do they know which direction to go? It takes judgment.  Proverbs 6:32, a man who commits adultery lacks judgment, Okay, he doesn't  know what the right thing is to do. Whoever does so destroys himself. See, the  lack of judgment brings what distraction gave you, if you don't know what is right and wrong, if you can't tell one from the other, then you're going to likely choose  wrongly. And when you choose wrongly, you and those around you get hurt.  That's what happens in divorce. Not only is the marriage hurt, but the family and  everyone that knows the family. It hurts the whole team of of married people, it  hurts the whole team of people who tried to be trustworthy and faithful to one  another. What does trust look like? We only know what it looks like when things  work together well, that when it falls apart, then what does love look like? Trust  is gone. Well, how do kids learn judgment? First of all, they see it. Okay, they  see what's going on. Romans 12:2 says, Do not conform any longer to the  pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Philippians 3:17, Paul says, join with others and following my example, brothers, and take note of those who live according to the pattern we gave you. So this  pattern that Paul was talking about is Paul is trying to follow God. And he's  saying take note, you know, follow our example. And take note of those who are  following this example following the pattern that God has established in his  work. That's one pattern. Here's another one, the pattern of this world, okay, the  world, the culture around us is presenting a way of life to our children. So there  are these conflicting patterns. And judgment is what our kids need to be able to  discern which way to go. What should I do? What should I not do? There's key  patterns in our lives today. First, there's the mass media or the the digital  connection, you know, we're digitally connected to the whole world those are  Patterns of Life. Okay, every every video, every movie, every download every  everything that someone can look on the internet, it's all selling a certain view of  life, a certain truth, if you will. And our kids have unprecedented access to  everything. I mean, it's never been this way in all of human history. We could  control what our kids would see or not see or hear or not hear. But now, if your  kid can get on the internet, he can look anywhere, everywhere. It's unlimited, He has unlimited access to anything and everything. All the patterns of this world.  So how is he going to be able to discern out of all of that noise? What he or she  should do or not do? The second pattern is peers. Kids are surrounded with  friends. Okay, friends have patterns of life. When I was a kid, I remember in fourth grade, I sat right behind behind Edward Noc. And he had long hair, and I  still had a brush cut. Or maybe I had a little something in the front, but he had  this long hair like the Beatles in 1964, 65 Something like that. Or I forget what  year it was but the Beatles in a long hair and I so wanted to be like Ed Noc.  Okay, so kids Want to be like friends they want, they see what they're into. They  see what they're doing. They see what they're dressing. They see what they  look like they see what the things that they say. And we want to follow those  patterns. Okay? Well, there's conflicting patterns among friends, friends, too, are being influenced by everything in the culture. So how, how are how do we help  our kids figure out what is the correct pattern, the right pattern, and which is the  wrong pattern? Then there's number three, the pattern of other adults. Okay. As, as parents, you're not the only adults in your kid's life. There's teachers, there's  coaches, there's pastors, there's people at church, there's neighbors, there's  friends, there's, there's a whole host of adults that have a pattern of life that  they're imprinting upon your children. How is How are your children going to be  able to figure out what is the correct pattern? What is not? What's the pattern I  should follow? What is the pattern that I should avoid? And then number four, of  course, parents. Parents, in some ways have the biggest influence, or at least  they used to, I don't know if that's true anymore. It used to be parents had the  biggest influence influence because parents really spent the most time with their children. But today, really do parents spend the most? Is it parents that spend  the most time with the child? Or is it teachers? Or is it friends? Or is it the  internet, you know, now with friends, too, because of phones and so on, kids  can be 24/7, with their friends, talking, listening, watching same things,  commenting on the same things, watching videos together, watching YouTube  videos, whatever it might be playing video games, I mean, the ability for friends  to connect now is never been higher. And the ability for your children to connect  with the information around the world has never been higher to be to learn  something from YouTube, why should they go to you? They can just go to  YouTube and figure it out. You know, my kids, you know, I play the guitar. You  know, we've had music around the house all of our lives. But my kids learned  from YouTube, that he didn't learn from me that there's specialized classes and  everything. It used to be, you know, my father taught me how to swim his his  way of teaching, throw him in the deep end, see what happens. Not a very good  way of teaching, but at least my father tried to teach me something. Now we  leave it to experts, you take him to a class, you know, let those people teach my  kid how to swim, how to kick the soccer ball, how to how to how to do  everything, and anything. Parents are feeling so inadequate these days, what  can I teach my kid, I'll let some other person so what's happening is, is parents  are losing the connection with their kids. And they're, you know, inadvertently  sort of giving up the shaping of their child to others. Others who are doing all the teaching, so our kids are getting used to being taught by everybody else. But the

problem is everybody else doesn't share the same patterns that you do. So our  kids are are encouraged to learn from everybody else. And, and therefore they  have this sort of eclectic view of life. There's no judgment, there is no right or  wrong. There's what you think and what he thinks. And right now I'm going with  what he thinks. So that's the culture that we're living in right now. There is no  right and wrong. There is no discernment, there is no judgment. In fact, that's a  negative thing. Don't judge me. You know, everyone has their own position. And, and I've heard parents say, you know, I've tried not to push anything on my child, I want them to decide for themselves really, because everyone else is going to  be pushing your child to believe their thing. We have to cut through all the noise  and help our children figure out what is right what is wrong, what is good, what  is bad. Or they will have no judgment. Well, how do kids learn judgment? They  see it. Secondly, they hear it. Deuteronomy, these commandments that I give  you today, the word of God is to be upon your hearts. How's it going to get there, impress them on your children? How do you do that? Talk, talk, they need to  hear. Talk about them. When you sit at home and when you walk along the road  when you lie down and when you get up. Surround your children with the Word  of God the Word of God helps us know what is true and what is not true. What is right what is wrong. Once you know what is right and wrong, you then can apply  those principles to all the things that you hear all the things that they hear of the  mass media, the digital platform, everything that is coming and bombarding our  kids. And every marketer, that's saying, you're going to be happy if you buy my  product, if you do my thing. See, that's the world that our kids live in. Everyone  is pulling them and pushing them their direction. And our kids need to be armed  with the Word of God so that they can say, this is good, this isn't. I'm not  listening to you, marketer. I'm not listening to you drug pusher, I'm not listening,  okay? To those of you that want to live a life contrary to the Word of God, we  need to be equipping our children so they can they can stand against the  onslaught of information. Well, how do kids learn Finally, number three, they  experience they experience it, train a child in the way he should go, go. And  when he's old, he will not turn from it. See, we do a lot of training when they're  young, we try to prepare them we give them problems we teach them we make  them memorize scripture, when they go to church, they sing songs, they go to  young peoples and different classes and, and all these things we're trying to  prepare them. But that isn't that that isn't an experience yet. Okay, they haven't  experienced things. So a lot of you know, we train people, but then they go on  and do real life. And sometimes there's a disconnect between the training and  the real life, or there's a latency period where kids go off. And they start, you  know, they were trained one way and but they want to experience the opposite.  So they go out and they sow their wild oats and they, they don't always follow  what they were trained with. But then life, you know, brings them to their knees,  and they experienced brokenness and pain, and then they go hold it, you know, 

I was taught something, maybe I should try to live that. So I think that's what this is talking about train a child in the way he should go when he's old. After he  experiences a few things, he realizes that, you know, maybe this is a good way  of life. So judgment comes over time. Often, now we we have to train them, we  have to teach them. But the real judgment often comes through experience. You make a lot of you make some bad decisions, and you go okay, well, that doesn't  work. Next time, I'm not going to do it that way. Experience is is probably the  best teacher. So I'm going to show you a little chart. Okay, so here's influence,  here's peers. So if we drew a little graph here, here, we got age, this is a 10 year old, 20 year old 30 year old, okay. So, in the beginning, parents have, you know, so this this, this is influence. And, you know, in the beginning, parents have the  biggest influence, okay, at 10, you know, it probably goes like this, you know,  and slightly goes down at 10 years old. And then, you know, it starts going  down. Okay. So this is the parents influence. But then often the parents  influences comes back up. Okay. Now, let me let me I wish I had another color  here. Now, if we choose the peers, the peers, and have kind of a low influence  when the kids are young, right? I mean, when when a kid is five years old, and  peers don't have a whole lot of influence. But the peer influence kind of grows,  right? I mean, as a kid is 10 years old, he's starting to hang around with his  friends as much as he hangs around with mom and dad, and about age 12, the  lines cross. So at age 12, parents and peers sort of have an equal influence  over a child, and then it starts favoring the peers. Okay, as you start going to 20  years old, that the peers started having more of an influence than the parents.  But you know, what, as you go on, it comes down again. Okay, so maybe at age  25, or 26, or 27, all of a sudden, the lines cross again. And I discovered that as  my kids got older, you know, when they became teenagers, early 20s, they  spent more time with their peers, listening to the peers wanting to be like their  peers. But when they got a little bit older, all of a sudden, I had more influence  again, and we're sort of on the same page and now were kind of walking  together as peers, in in some ways parents become the peers. So, you know, if  you're in this stage of life, where you're like, hey, I have no influence over my kid just Relax, be a little patient, because it will come back to you. But the reason  I'm showing you this chart is because of this right here. Okay? The 12 at 12, 13  years at 11 and 12,13 years see this is, this is your time to make hay in terms of  influencing your children. Because at age 12, your kids are old enough to sort of see what the future is. They're into their peers, they see a whole different world  with their peers, with the culture on the internet, they see, in a sense, what's out  there, that they have a good view of the future. But they're still connected to you  see, they're connected to that future, but they haven't dropped you yet. So  before that, they haven't, they don't know totally what the future is, they're not  connected to the world as much as when they're 12 years old, when they're five  years old, you have the influence over them, and they don't see what's coming. 

Okay, but at age 12, 13 years old, they kind of see the future, they've heard a lot of things out there. But you still have an influence. So this is your time, this is  your moment, as a parent, to actually sit down and talk about that future. To talk  about the things that are in front of them. They haven't experienced them yet.  This is the time to do sex education. This is the time to talk about the future. And you know, getting a job and, and marriage and family and God and church and  all these things. This is the time when they can see the future. But you still have  a tremendous influence. If you wait too long. See, now they're listening to peers  more than you. And they start, you know, in that teenage year, they start thinking well, what do you know, because they know way more than you do about the  modern world. And that's probably true. So your moment of influence is right  there. 11, 12, 13 years old, don't waste that time. Try to go through the  scenarios, talk about the dating, talk about, you know, the Bible's view on that  sexuality, all these things that are the drinking all these things, drugs, all the  things that are coming into their future, they can see those things, they know  what those things are. And right now, they're open to talking to you about it, and  getting your wisdom and help you helping them prepare for that future. So that  when they go on their first date, that when things are happening, they're  prepared for what might happen. And they're ready to say something. When  someone offers them a drink, they know what to say when someone offers them drugs, they have rehearsed this, they have prepared for this moment, rather  than, you know, doing nothing and then letting their peers make all those  decisions. So judgment. How do kids learn it? They learn it by seeing it what are they seeing in their life? They learn it by hearing, what are they hearing from  you? And they learn it by experiencing? What experiences are you giving them?