Stumbling Blocks To Communication Part 1

Henry Reyenga

Stumbling Blocks


Romans 14:13    Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way. NIV


Meaning Barriers

A barrier to communication is something that keeps meanings from meeting. Meaning barriers exist between all people, making communication much more difficult than most people seem to realize. It is false to assume that if one can talk he can communicate. Because so much of our education misleads people into thinking that communication is easier than it is, they become discouraged and give up when they run into difficulty.

--Reuel Howe, theologian and educator

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Thomas Gordon's List of Communication Spoilers

Experts in interpersonal communication like Carl Rogers, Reuel Howe, Haim Ginott, and Jack Gibb have pinpointed responses that tend to block conversation. More recently, Thomas Gordon devised a comprehensive list that he calls the "dirty dozen” of communication spoilers.

Bolton, Robert (2009-11-24). People Skills (p. 15). Touchstone. Kindle Edition. 


1. Criticizing - A negative reaction to someone in your life or ministry. Example: "You are always giving people the benefit of the doubt.  I don't like how you are including more people on the music team”


2. Name Calling - Giving someone a negative name or label. Putting someone down or stereotyping their behavior. Examples: "You are too talkative.” "You are too emotional in worship.” "You are spiritually dead.” "You are too sensitive.” 


3. Diagnosing - Judging and psychologizing why people are acting the way they are.  Examples: 

"I know how 15 year olds are thinking. They are just selfish.” "Just because you went to seminary you think you think you are better than me.”


4. Praising Evaluatively

Praise is often used as a gimmick to try to get people to change their behavior. When someone with ulterior purposes offers praise, there is often resentment, not only of the effort to control, but also of the manipulativeness experienced.

Bolton, Robert (2009-11-24). People Skills (p. 20). Touchstone. Kindle Edition. 

Example: "No one cleans the church as well as you do. The new attendee just can't help you.”


5. Commanding - Telling People what they should do. Examples: "Just go home and forgive your wife.”  "Just stop smoking!” 


6. Threatening - Trying to control people by bringing up the possible negative consequences. 

Examples: "I would not counsel that woman, her sister was not teachable.”  "I would not waste my time on mentoring him, you will not have enough time for sermon writing.” "If things don't change, I am out of here.”

Making Changes

Which stumbling blocks in part one do you struggle with?  

Ask someone in your life to help you see the truth about yourself.

Last modified: Monday, August 6, 2018, 12:55 PM