By Edwin D. Roels


Introduction

One of the most important areas of Christian living is that of marriage and the family. Even those who do not marry do interact with parents, brothers and sisters or with other people who are married, so everyone can profit from learning what the Bible teaches about this subject. Marriage customs differ greatly from one place or time to another, but there are some fundamental truths which are relevant for people everywhere.

Read thoughtfully what the Bible says about the proper relationship between husbands and wives and between parents and their children.


1. Where did the idea of marriage come from?

From God himself. In the beginning God created a man and a woman who would come together in a loving relationship and eventually produce children like themselves.

Scripture References

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. And God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it.” (Genesis 1:27-28)

He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together let not man separate. (Matthew 19:4-6)


2. Should everyone seek to be married?

Not necessarily. The Bible highly commends marriage but also recognizes that some persons choose not to marry for good and sincere reasons which are acceptable to God.

Scripture References

He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD. (Proverbs 18:22)

An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. (Proverbs 31:10-11)

The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried woman or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord. (1 Corinthians 7:32-35)


3. What does the Bible teach about the husband's role in marriage?

The husband is the head of the wife and should love his wife just as Christ loved the church, his spiritual bride, and sacrificed his life for her.

Scripture References

For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church . . . Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her . . . In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. (Ephesians 5:23,25,28)

Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. (1 Peter 3:7)


4. What does the Bible teach about the wife's role in marriage?

Wives should love their husbands and submit to them just as believers submit themselves to Christ, their spiritual husband. If husbands love their wives with wholehearted and sacrificial love—as Christ loved the church—it will not be difficult for wives to submit to their husbands, since they will be confident that their husbands will always be seeking what is truly best for them.

Scripture References

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. (Ephesians 5:22)

Do not let your adorning be external . . . but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit . . . For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their husbands. (1 Peter 3:3-5)


5. How is the relationship between a husband and wife like the relationship between God and his chosen people and the relationship between Christ and believers?

God referred to himself as the husband of the people of Israel. He loved them, blessed them, protected them, made a covenant with them, and gave them special promises. In the New Testament, the church is called the bride of Christ. Christ loved the church, prayed for her, and gave his life for her. This special love and care is a wonderful example of the kind of love husbands should have for their wives.

Scripture References

For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is his name; and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth he is called. (Isaiah 54:5)

As the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you. (Isaiah 62:5)

I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you   . . . I was their husband, declares the LORD. (Jeremiah 31:3, 32)

The marriage of the Lamb [Jesus] has come, and his Bride has made herself ready. (Revelation 19:7)

Come, I will show you the Bride, the wife of the Lamb. (Revelation 21:9)


6. What does the Bible teach about faithfulness to our marriage partners?

Marriage partners should be faithful to each other at all times and in every way.

Scripture References

You shall not commit adultery. (Exodus 20:14)

Rejoice in the wife of your youth . . . be intoxicated always in her love. Why should you be intoxicated, my son, with a forbidden woman and embrace the bosom of an adulteress? (Proverbs 5:18-20)

Guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth. (Malachi 2:15)

Jesus said: “Everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matthew 5:28)

Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. (Hebrews 13:4)


7.  What does the Bible teach about divorce?

God intended from the beginning that marriage should be permanent. In Old Testament times, however, Moses permitted some people to divorce their wives because of the hardness of their hearts. In New Testament times, Jesus reminded people that God’s intention from the beginning was that marriage was to be lifelong.

Scripture References

Jesus said: “Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” (Matthew 19:8-9)

For a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives, but if her husband dies she is released from the law of marriage. Accordingly, she will be called an adulteress if she lives with another man while her husband is alive. But if her husband dies, she is free from that law, and if she marries another man she is not an adulteress. (Romans 7:2-3)


Does the Bible allow a believer to marry an unbeliever?

No. A believer must marry a person who is also a believer and a child of God. A believer should marry someone who has the same Holy Spirit, so that the partners can be unified and bring up godly offspring.

Scripture References

Judah has profaned the sanctuary of the Lord, which he loves, and has married the daughter of a foreign god... And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. (Malachi 2:11, 15)

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? (2 Corinthians 6:14)

She is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. (1 Corinthians 7:39)


8. What should a believer do if his or her partner is not a believer? (Sometimes a person becomes a believer after getting married, or a believer wrongly chooses to marry an unbeliever.) 

Believers should not seek a divorce if their unbelieving partners are willing to continue living with them. Believing wives should be submissive to their unbelieving husbands in all things lawful and appropriate and continue to live pure and holy lives.

Scripture References

Wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives--when they see your respectful and pure conduct. (1 Peter 3:1,2)

If any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him . . . But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. (1 Corinthians 7:12-15)


9.  What does the Bible teach about having more than one marriage partner?

From the very beginning, God's intention for marriage was that men should have only one wife and women should have only one husband. Though there were plural marriages in certain Old Testament times, these marriages often led to jealousy or other problems. Jesus and the apostles made it clear that believers should have only one marriage partner and that they should be faithful to each other as long as they both lived.

Scripture References

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. (Genesis 2:24)

He [the king] shall not acquire many wives for himself, lest his heart turn away. (Deuteronomy 17:17)

Each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. (1 Corinthians 7:2)


10. What does the Bible teach about the physical (sexual) side of marriage?

Sexual relations within the bonds of marriage are good, desirable, and a gift of God. Both husbands and wives should be very sensitive to the needs and desires of their partners. They should not make unreasonable demands or take advantage of one another or do anything that would hurt their partner either physically or emotionally.

Scripture References

Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine. (Song of Songs 1:2)

My beloved is mine, and I am his; he grazes among the lilies. (Song of Songs 2:16)

Behold, you are beautiful, my love, behold, you are beautiful! Your eyes . . . Your hair . . . Your teeth . . . Your lips . . . Your cheeks . . . Your neck . . . Your two breasts . . . You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you. (Song of Songs 4:1-7)

Let my beloved come to his garden, and eat its choicest fruits. (Song of Songs 4:16)

My beloved is radiant and ruddy . . . His head . . . His eyes . . . His cheeks . . . His lips . . . His arms . . . His body . . . His legs . . . His mouth is most sweet, and he is altogether desirable. This is my beloved and this is my friend. (Song of Songs 5:10-16)

Rejoice in the wife of your youth . . . Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love. (Proverbs 5:18-20)

Because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. (1 Corinthians 7:2)

The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (1 Corinthians 7:3-5)


11. What does the Bible teach about same-sex marriage?

In both the Old and New Testaments, all homosexual relationships are condemned.

Scripture Reference

If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them. (Leviticus 20:13)

Their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error. (Romans 1:26-27)

Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality . . . will inherit the kingdom of God. (1 Corinthians 6:9-10)

Sodom and Gomorrah and the surrounding cities, which likewise indulged in sexual immorality and pursued unnatural desire, serve as an example by undergoing a punishment of eternal fire. (Jude 1:7)


12. What does the Bible teach about having children?

The Bible regards the birth of children as a great blessing from the Lord.

Scripture References

God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it.” (Genesis 1:28)

All these blessings shall come upon you and overtake you, if you obey the voice of the Lord your God. Blessed shall you be in the city, and blessed shall you be in the field. Blessed shall be the fruit of your womb. (Deuteronomy 28:2-4)

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! (Psalm 127:3-5)

Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table. (Psalm 128:3)

He [God] gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children. (Psalm 113:9)

Isaac prayed to the LORD for his wife, because she was barren. And the LORD granted his prayer, and Rebekah his wife conceived. (Genesis 25:21)


13. What should parents do for their children?

Parents should teach their children, pray for them, discipline them in love, provide for them, and serve as good examples of how to live as a Christian.

Scripture References

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6)

These words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. (Deuteronomy 6:6-7)

David said to his son Solomon: “Be strong, and show yourself a man, and keep the charge of the LORD your God, walking in his ways, and keeping his statutes, his commandments . . . that you may prosper in all that you do and wherever you turn.” (1 Kings 2:2-3)

Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart. (Proverbs 29:17)

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4)

The LORD reproves him whom he loves as a father the son in whom he delights. (Proverbs 3:12)


14. How should children respond to the teaching and discipline of their parents?

Children should obey their parents in all things lawful, accept their loving discipline, and follow their good example. When parents are old and unable to support themselves, children should help provide for them. When they do all these things, they will bring joy to their parents. When they don’t, the result will be sorrow, loss, distress, and punishment.

Scripture References

Honor your father and your mother. (Deuteronomy 5:16)

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. (Ephesians 6:1)

A wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish son is a sorrow to his mother. (Proverbs 10:1)

The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice; he who fathers a wise son will be glad in him. (Proverbs 23:24)

The one who keeps the law is a son with understanding, but a companion of gluttons shames his father. (Proverbs 28:7)

The eye that mocks a father and scorns to obey a mother will be picked out by the ravens of the valley and eaten by the vultures. (Proverbs 30:17)

We have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. (Hebrews 12:9-11)

If a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God. . . . If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. (1 Timothy 5:4,7)


15. How do the deeds of parents affect the lives of their children?

The good deeds of parents often lead to blessing for their children. The sins of parents often lead to problems, trials, and hurts in the lives of their children. The parents may establish a pattern of life that continues in the lives of their descendants, and all of them suffer for the failures of their parents and grandparents as well as their own sins. Not all children of godly parents are faithful to God, but when they are, they and their parents are both blessed. Not all children of ungodly parents continue in unbelief and sin; children who turn away from the evils of their parents can experience God’s grace and blessing and provide their own children with a better heritage. Children can be helped or hindered by their parents’ deeds, but we must not depend on our parents to make us right with God, nor should we blame our parents for our own sinful choices. Parents can influence us for better or worse and must answer to God for their parenting, but each of us remains responsible before God for our own choices.

Scripture References

I the Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and the fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing steadfast love to thousands of those who love me and keep my commandments. (Exodus 20:5-6)

You show steadfast love to thousands, but you repay the guilt of fathers to their children after them. (Jeremiah 32:18)

He [Ahaziah] did what was evil in the eyes of the LORD and walked in the way of his father [Ahab] and in the way of his mother [Jezebel]. (1 Kings 22:52)

He [Jehoshaphat] walked in all the way of Asa his father. He did not turn aside from it, doing what was right in the sight of the LORD. (1 Kings 22:43)

Now suppose this man fathers a son who sees all the sins that his father has done; he sees, and does not do likewise. . . . he shall not die for his father's iniquity; he shall surely live. . . . The soul who sins shall die. The son shall not suffer for the iniquity of the father, nor the father suffer for the iniquity of the son. The righteousness of the righteous shall be upon himself, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon himself. (Ezekiel 18:14,17,20)

Do not be like your fathers . . . they did not hear or pay attention to me. (Zechariah 1:4)

You were ransomed from the futile ways inherited from your forefathers, not with perishable things such as silver or gold, but with the precious blood of Christ (1 Peter 1:18-19)


16. What is the most important decision believing parents can make regarding their children?

Parents who trust in Jesus as Savior and Lord should honor God as ruler of their family. They should humbly and sincerely determine to serve as an example to their children by walking in the ways of the Lord, teaching their children to walk in the ways of the Lord, and serving the Lord with their entire family.

Scripture References

I have chosen him [Abraham], that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the LORD by doing righteousness and justice, so that the LORD may bring to Abraham what he has promised him. (Genesis 18:19)

I will ponder the way that is blameless . . . I will walk with integrity of heart within my house. (Psalm 101:2)

He [Cornelius] was a devout man who feared God with all his household, gave alms generously to the people, and prayed continually to God. (Acts 10:2)

An angel told Cornelius: “Send to Joppa and bring Simon who is called Peter; he will declare to you a message by which you will be saved, you and all your household.” (Acts 11:13-14)

The apostle Paul told a jailer: “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved, you and your household.”  . . . And he rejoiced along with his entire household that he had believed in God. (Acts 16:31,34)

Joshua declared: “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” (Joshua 24:15)

 

Last modified: Thursday, January 20, 2022, 10:27 AM