Video Transcript: God's Design for Sex Intro
Hi, my name is Ruth Buezis. And about 10 years ago I started a ministry called awaken love. It started when I've been married for 25 years or so. And I took a study on Song of Song. And through that study, I was awakened to the fact that God wanted more intimacy with Me, and have this new awareness of how much God loves me, but also woke me up to how much intimacy God wanted me to have in my marriage. Now, I've been blessed to have a good marriage. But honestly, we had a safe marriage, we didn't talk about hard things. And one of the hard things we didn't talk about was that sex was good. But it wasn't as good as God wanted it to be for us. And I don't think I had a clear understanding how of how important sex was for my marriage. And so I went on this journey of discovery, and then after a year, and really working hard and figuring things out, I just felt like I needed to share what I learned about sex with other people. So I invited eight close friends onto my porch. So that I could share what I've learned. Out of that has grown in ministry, where I think that first year I taught over 100 women, and every year after that, to the point where now I've had over 1000, women in person. And so I've heard so many stories, I've seen stories of transformation. And I just believe that God's gift of sex is powerful, and that there are so many bad messages about sex that we need to understand the truth about sex. And so I want to share with you what I've learned about sex. I want to share with you some of the stories I've heard from women and men that have been transformed as they learn the truth about sex. And, and so as we go on this journey, I want to encourage you, you know, we've all been impacted by message about sex, whether it's from culture, or from the church, or from awkward conversations, or from things we've seen on TV, or in pornography. And so we all bring baggage to the table. And so, in this course, what we're going to do is we're going to dive into what was God's original intention for sex, like, if you never been impacted by the world, what would you want for you. And so I want to, to, like in your mind, and maybe we'll just pray about this right now, let's just wipe the slate clean, to raise all of those things, even if it's just for these moments when we're talking in this course. So that you could actually heard hear from God's word, what he intended for sex. So let's just pray real quick. Father, God, I thank you for the men and women that want to hear your truth. And so God, I pray that in these moments, God, maybe you just wipe clean our slate, that we could hear your truth. So that the lies in the baggage that we've began to believe about sex god could go could be in the distance in the background, to be not heard God that they would be silenced with a lie from Satan would be silenced, so that we could hear your truth, God. So God, I pray that you bless our time together, that you speak through me, in Jesus name. Amen. So I want to begin, when we start talking about God's design for sex, I think one of the first places to start is by talking about Song og Songs. And Song of Songs is in your Bible, behind Psalms, Proverbs, and Ecclesiastes. And then comes this tiny little book called Song of Songs. And it's very different from any other book in the Bible speaks to your heart rather than your mind. And what I mean by that is, you know, if you're going to have a book in the Bible about marriage, it could be prescriptive as far as you know, you need to spend time together and you need to talk to each other and you need to serve each other. And that's not what it does. Instead it through poetry. It gives us a picture of what this passionate, intimate relationship is. looks like and I don't know about you, but for me poetry is sometimes hard to understand it can feel confusing. And so what I want you to think about is rather than thinking about Whoa, what, what exactly is going on and and what happens next what I want you to think about is, Who are these people? Who is this man? How does he act and who is this woman? And how do they interact together? And so I want to read you just a few passages out of Song of Songs, and I'm gonna start with a passage where he speaking and this is from chapter six verses four through nine it says, You are as beautiful as Tirza, my darling as lovely as Jerusalem, as majestic as troops with banners. Turn your eyes from me they overwhelm me. Your hair is like a flock of goats
descending from Gilead. Your teeth are like a flock of sheep coming up from washing. Each has its twin, not one of them is missing. Your temples, behind your veil like the halves of a pomegranate. Sixty Queens there may be and eighty concubines and virgins beyond number but my dove, my perfect one is unique. The only daughter of her mother, the favorite one who bore her. Though young women saw her and called her blessed the queens and concubines praised her. Now I want to read a passage where she is speaking and this comes out of Song of Songs 5:10-16. My beloved is radiant and ruddy, outstanding among ten thousand. His head is purest gold; his hair is wavy and black as a raven. His eyes are like doves by the water streams, washed in milk, mounted like jewels. His cheeks are like beds of spice yielding perfume. His lips are like lilies dripping with myrrh. His arms are rods of gold set with topaz. His body is like polished ivory decorated with lapis lazuli. His legs are pillars of marble set on bases of pure gold. His appearance is like Lebanon, choice as its cedars. His mouth is sweetness itself; he is altogether lovely. This is my beloved, this is my friend, daughters of Jerusalem. And so each of them in their own way are describing each others body and what excites them and, and what they love about each other. I'm going to read you two more passages. The first one comes out of Song of Songs 2:10-13. And once again this is this is him speaking to her. And he says to her, Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, come with me. See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land. The fig tree forms its early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance. Arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one, come with me.” And who is calling her. Springtime's Come Come with me. And it's he's he's calling to her to go in to speak with him. Now I'm going to read you a passive passage that she says to him, and this is chapter 7:9-12. May the wine go straight to my beloved, flowing gently over lips and teeth. I belong to my beloved, and his desire is for me. Come, my beloved, let us go to the countryside, let us spend the night in the villages. Let us go early to the vineyards to see if the vines have budded, if their blossoms have opened, and if the pomegranates are in bloom— there I will give you my love. And so she's invited him out to the vineyard early in the morning to give him her love. And so it's an outdoor adventure in the vineyard to go and have sex to me together maybe. Now, I read you these passages of both him speaking and her speaking because I want you to get a feel for their role. It seems to me in Song of Songs that she speaks as much as he does, that she invites as much as he does, that she expresses herself as much as he does. Which when you think of the book A Song of Songs written 3000 years ago. And the cultural role of women in those days was very much. You know, in the background, many times we're walking, women were one step above, slaves or servants. They were not equal to men. And yet, even in in that culture, God is portraying husbands and wives as equals in the marriage bed. I think that's a profound truth, that that we need to capture is that regardless of what the role of men or women is, in culture, God intended for husbands and wives, to be equal in the marriage, for her to be able to grasp herself to be able to ask for what she wants to call him to outdoor adventures. And I think that's very different from maybe what we've typically heard about the roles of men and women and choose in incest. Now, I don't think it's about men and women being the same, because I think men and women are very different in their sexuality. And in fact, I think that we have much to learn from each other. It's not about women trying to be like a man, it's about husbands bringing their best self and sharing it with their wife. But it's also about wives bringing themselves and sharing it with her husband. I think there are things that husbands and wives can experience, if why bring themselves and if they don't, they'll miss out on it. Things like, I think wives are very in tune to whether husbands and wives are actually connecting during sex. Versus just going through the motions in order to get to the finish line and have an orgasm. I think wives are very in tune to, you know, it's sometimes sex is not all about craving the right friction. But
it's about being with each other. I think women are very in tune to the power of using words to create excitement. Just like men are in tune to creating excitement through their eyes, and through visual things. I think men can help women learn how to be more spontaneous, sometimes maybe we learn need to why the need to learn to stop worrying about things and just enter into a time of escape together. And so husbands and wives bring very, very different things to the marriage bed. But both are important. And there is an importance in learning to make sex mutually enjoyable for both husbands and wives. And it's not an easy thing. Sex has largely been defined by what works for men. And so if we're going to make sex enjoyable for the wife to the husband, may have much to learn. And so, it's this amazing adventure of discovering who you are as a person, sharing yourself with your spouse. And, and making creating a marriage bed that is that it is amazing for both of you. That is God's design for sex. Is that you sex is mutually enjoyable.