Video Transcript: Sex for Comfort
The next reason that God created sex is for comfort. And this comes out of II Samuel 12:24. And it's after David and Bathsheba have lost their child. And it says, Then David comforted his wife, Bathsheba, and he went to her, and he made love to her, and she gave birth to a son. And so God created sex as a comfort. That's a radical shift from what the world would tell us about sex, the world would tell us that sex is about getting what you want, getting your needs met, maybe about people using each other. But not that sex is a comfort. And I think it's a real stretch, and not a natural place for a lot of people to go. Whether it's for men or women, I mean, sex can feel dirty, and there's this, like this need that you have to have filled, and it can feel overwhelming. And certainly for wives, sex can feel like a duty that you need to do for your husband. Or this way that women are used or taken advantage, or maybe they have sex feels like, well, it's the icing on top of the cake. It's like when everything is wonderful, then we can have sex together. And yet God says sex is supposed to be comfort to you. And so, bride takes classes, what I often do is I'll ask people, have you ever experienced sex as a comfort? Usually, there are a few women that will share that, that they comforted their husband through sex. Maybe he lost his job, or he had a bad day at work. And, and and she decided, You know what, like, this is a way that I can love him, that I can build him up, that I can comfort him. And so she'll plan, a special night for them where two come together where literally it's it's about her comforting him. But when we read the text, it says, And then David comforted his wife, Bathsheba, and he went to her and he made love to her. This is David comforting Bathsheba. And so I think that's, that's a real stretch for a lot of women. In class, when I asked this question, every once in a while, I'll get a woman that has had that experience. Maybe she and her husband have lost a baby or a child. And then in the midst of that they found in each other in each other's arms and sex became this amazing comfort. I had one woman that shared, she'd lost her sister to a difficult battle with, with drugs. And after many tears, and crying and talking about things with her husband, there were really no words left. And so she went to her husband and said, Can we just have a sad sex? And I think that's just this amazing picture of you know, we talked about how sex is about getting to know each other. Well. Sad sex is about gaining is like entering into this place of being together in that moment. And so it's a different kind of sex. It's not the same as fun and wild sex or I don't know it's a different kind of sex. I also had another woman in class, when we talked about sex being a comfort. You could see the tears start to roll up her eyes as she suddenly realized what had happened. She lost her dad a few years previously. And after a long day of mourning and being at the service. They came home from the memorial service and finally got into bed and suddenly her husband was reaching for her and wanting to make love to her. And she was furious that and for like for thinking like why would you want to have sex in a moment like this? But We think that sex is just something that we have to do for a husband, then that's maybe the way that we think about it. But if sex is a way that God gave us to love each other, then it totally makes sense, the sex is a comfort. And so I just want to challenge you in this. I think this can be a huge mindset shift to think of sex as a comfort. But this is God's intent for sex is that sometimes it's literally a comfort, when there are no words left. To make you feel better, when you cried, you wept, and there's nothing else to do is a possible that through making love together, God could help you comfort each other. The next reason that God created sex is as a comfort. And this comes out of II Samuel 12:24. This is after David and Bathsheba have lost their child. And it says, Then David comforted his wife, Bathsheba and went to her, and he made love to her. And so God intended sex as a way to comfort each other. I think there's a radical shift, and difference between what the world would tell us about sex and what God intended protect. I mean, I think the world would tell us that the sex is about getting your needs met. Sex is about getting what you want. Sex is about using each other. Not sex is about receiving comfort is not a natural place for many people to go. Some men struggle with
it, because because it's so separated. Sex, it's it's about pleasure and about getting their needs met. But even more so for women, I think it's a real stretch. Because women can tend to think that sex is something that they do for their husband, it's their duty, it is one more thing on their to do list. It's it's maybe the icing on the cake when everything's perfect in the marriage. When the stars align, then then the two of you can connect in and enjoy some sex together. But the truth is, God created sex as a way to comfort each other. Now in class, I often ask the question, have Have you ever experienced or given sex as a comfort? And often I have a few women that share? Yeah, you know, when my husband lost his job, he was having a terrible week at work. He was stressed out. I was just trying to how can I make them feel more loved? And so they plan a special evening where where they had sex and it and it was a way to comfort their husband and build them back up. But when we read this first and second Samuel, like we had to pay attention to this right, so then David comforted his wife, Bathsheba. And so this is the husband, comforting the wife, SpaceX not a normal place that we go. And so when I asked this question, every once awhile, I'll have a women that woman that shares it. Yeah, she's received effects as a comfort. Sometimes as a mom lost a baby or a child and and through this loss, she and her husband found each others in each each other's arms, and sex became a comfort zone. I had one woman who she lost her sister to a drug addiction. And after many tears, and lots and lots of talking it through with her husband, she finally just told her husband, can we just have sad sex, because all she wanted to do was be wrapped up in her husband's arms. And so there are some women that have experienced sex as a comfort. I had another woman who, as we were talking about sex being a comfort, the tears started welling up in her eyes. Because she had these feelings of remorse and regret because she suddenly realized she made the wrong assumption about her husband. Two years previously, she lost her dad. And after the more memorial service, and funeral they came home, and word, were in bed and her husband reached for her to have sex. And she was just incredulous. How can you think about having sex now? Don't you see what I'm going through. But I can't imagine in that moment, a husband, feeling like I don't know what to do to make her feel better. I don't know what to say. All I want to do with her is love her, and in that moment, reaching for his wife to comfort her. Now, I don't think that sex is supposed to be just be a comfort in the big things like the big loss is like a huge deal, right? I think sex is supposed to be comfort, even in the small thing. I know for myself, you know, if I was stressed out about a project, I was working on it. The last thing I wanted was sex, I'd stiff arm my husband and say, You know what, just let me figure this out. And once I get this figured out, then I can relax enough to have sex. What is it possible in the middle in those moments, that's what I mean and most with my husband was to let go control this, stop thinking about those things that were on my plate that I needed to do, and just go sleep with my husband for a while, to have sex to be comforted, to get my mind cleared. And then to come back to accomplish whatever I needed to do with. I don't know, a clean slate. And so I don't think sex is supposed to be just comfort for the big things in life. But it's supposed to be a big comfort for the everyday things in life. You know, I kind of think about it as far as my relationship with God, right? Sometimes I want a stiff arm God and when I don't have my life all put together. I don't. I don't. I kind of avoid God, I don't want to meet with God. But the truth is that God wants us to come on, come to them when we're most broke when we're most stressed, or we're most under. And I think the same is true in fact. And so whether you are a man or a woman I think that this is a wild radical mindset shift. To think about sex as a way that you comfort each other. A different way that you have sex that is sweet and tender and gentle or maybe tear filled. But, but it's this amazing way that you comfort each other amazing way that God provides for you to love each other marriage.